In all seriousness Napier isnt that bad a place. Have lived here just under 3 years now after 14 years living in larger cities (Sydney, London, Wellington and Melbourne).
Climate is quite extraordinary. Not too many winters days under 10 degrees celcius here this year. Plenty of outdoor activities (and photographic opportunities a plenty!!!). Yes being 4hrs drive from Wellington or 6.5hrs drive from Auckland is a bit of a pain but you get used to it and if you really need to you can fly to each in under an hour.
There's great vineyards, restaurants, golf courses, beaches (with black sand!), cycling paths, fishing (both freshwater and saltwater) etc all on our doorstep, under 2hrs drive to Lake Taupo for the watersports enthusiasts (behave yourselves!) or 3hrs to Mt Tongariro National Park for the snow bunnies!
Plenty of reasons to move to Napier!!!