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almost 14 years

"We need to talk." Four of the most dreaded words in any relationship (second only to "I think I'm pregnant")

You know <a href="">shark</a>'s about to get real, it's probably not positive but all you can do is wait until you have that "talk" when all your fears will be realised.

That's how I feel after Monday's announcement by the FFA that they have denied the Wellington Phoenix bid for a 10 year licence extension. It's only the second time I've felt this way (maybe the third actually) in my life and it is not at all pleasant.

Im going to start from the beginning.

As with most relationships, I was apprehensive going in to my first Phoenix experience. I'd been a rugby girl all my life and was stepping into the world of football. We met through work, when I was offered a job as a massage therapist for the first professional football team Wellington had ever seen. Not one to fall hard into relationships I kept things pretty casual at first, working when the roster assigned and attending games when tickets were available. After a short while I let my guard down and let the feelings in. It was strange. I didn't have to pretend to be interested, I genuinely was. I wanted everything football had to offer - it was fun and exciting, it was attractive and there was humour. Everything I wanted.

Come the end of 2009 I was head over heels. So much so I committed to going to South Africa to support the All Whites in the 2010 World Cup. My love only grew. I also met many friends of football and became part of the crew.

Back in New Zealand I nutured the relationship. I wanted as much football as possible so I took an interest in much more than the Phoenix. I began watching local football, ASB Premiership and started taking a more active role in the Yellow Fever. I wanted it all.

It's been 8 years since I was that apprehensive girl looking for something in her life. An 8 year relationship that has most definitely had its fair share of highs and lows. It's been a roller coaster ride. But despite all this I wouldn't change it for anything. I want this feeling to last forever.

So when the FFA announcement broke last night, my heart broke with it. All I heard was "we need to talk". My head immediately told me things were coming to an end. Tears welled in my eyes as I contemplated life without the Phoenix and my extended football friends and family. I was distressed. Is this the end?

I'm trying not to get TOO emotional or upset until we have the "talk" (receive confirmation from the FFA or WelNix of the way forward) but its tough not to be worried. I'm preparing myself for the break-up but I need to wait and see.

The rollercoaster continues.

(Disclaimer: I don't have much experience with personal relationships. In fact my one and only "real relationship" ended around the time the Phoenix came in to my life. Any and all comparisons to "love" and relationships are based on what I imagine it's like)

and 8 others
Starting XI
over 10 years

Well said, you captured the emotion of all of this beautifully.

almost 12 years

Brilliant Tracey.

Starting XI
over 11 years

OMG Tracey that was incredible, now tears are welling in my eyes, and I'm sitting at my desk at work. You have perfectly captured the way we are all feeling.

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