THE SECRET DIARY OF ANTHONY HUDSON, PART 3
MONDAY
Should I stay - or should I go? It's a question which has been tearing me up, consuming me for days. And for once Andy Martin has been no help.
There was a strong argument to be made for both options, depending on how you present the evidence or spin the case. It's the sort of massive decision I have had to weigh day-in an day-out as All Whites coach, so I'm well prepared for a big call.
But in the end I elect to stay with Rodney Wayne for my daily facial hair titivation and maintenance rather than switch to Hamilton Brooks in Newmarket.
Luckily it's been a lot more straight forward in deciding my future career options in the wake of that shock second leg away loss to Peru.
Yes, I could easily have stayed, Andy was eating out of my hand.
But it would have done my head in. The Moses Dyer gag has run it's course, Rory Fallon has retired, the Inghams are mental. Sure, Alex Rufer has huge comedy potential, but otherwise I would need to find an awful lot of new piss-take material to avoid being bored sharkless during those long, long, tri-monthly windows between All Whites matches. Changing your Wikipedia page can only kill so much time, you know.
TUESDAY
It's been a cathartic experience to have announced my resignation as All Whites coach.
During my time in charge I oversaw a massive change in culture. I got rid of that awful matey environment Neil Emblen had cultivated where everyone mucked in and made the best of what there was. No, I made it far more professional, bringing in the sports scientists and video analysts, the whiteboards, the pseudo-deep philosophy.
I like to think I have showed that same professional touch with my departure, giving no final media statement, explanation, or word on my future. That's how it is in the professional game. You are not answerable to the public, and I should not have to do the media's job for them (apart, perhaps from Veitchy) and people need to realise that.
WEDNESDAY
The players took it well when I told them I was leaving.
"You can't," they replied in unison. "You utter can't," they said.
At least I think that was what they were saying. It was quite noisy with jets flying overhead and those flat nasal Kiwi accents can be difficult.
THURSDAY
I look back on my time with the All Whites with immense pride.
When I took over they were lowly ranked enigmas. Nobody knew what to make of them, or how they might play on any given day.
I have taken that situation and turned it around.
By contrast, when people didn't know how my team would play, that was widely recognised as being a coaching masterstroke to wrong-foot the opposition. By the end our opponents didn't even know if we would play our best players, or leave them on the bench. How brilliant is that? Arsene Wenger level.
On my watch we never lost a game to Fiji, Solomon Islands, Vanuatu, Cook Islands, or Papua New Guinea (though it was close a couple of times) and the All Whites are now a refreshing 122nd in the world.
Mine is a proud record. Under me the All Whites won 9 matches and drew 7. Yes, there were some other matches as well, but it's best to stay focused on what is important. Let's not get distracted in a historic analysis by going down blind alleys, otherwise I will need to get the whiteboard out.
FRIDAY
Oh, how I laughed when I saw the Stuff story on who might succeed me. I spluttered into my Earl Grey tea. Oh my aching ribs.
Darren Bazeley was the first on their list. Ha ha.
Hilarious. Dazza is a brilliant assistant, a born No 2. Give him a pile of cones and he's happy as a dead pig in the sunshine, as they say up the Colorado Rapids.
But you need to carry the ball off on a stretcher after one of his training sessions, while he often doesn't know whether to check his arse or scratch his watch.
Dazza's the bloke to call upon when you've sacked your first assistant, to appoint your mate, who you've then had to axe because he's just a physical fitness nutter, and replace with a septuagerian based in England who is not much use for an intercontinental playoff.
So, yeah, Dazza's, a fourth choice No 2. Some people thought I was the comedy merchant in New Zealand football, but it just goes to show. And people wonder why I am contemptuous of the New Zealand media?
SATURDAY
Whenever you leave a big job you naturally wonder about your legacy. It's not an ego thing, it's just a function of and active and inquiring mind.
Will I be appreciated for what I have done in turning the game around in New Zealand?
Will the New Zealand game at large respect the manner in which I transformed the performance culture into one of ownership, accountability and leadership? I've planted enough seeds, and surely some of them must grow.
Will history recognise what I have done in taking the team from one which had ultimately failed in a two-legged playoff time between the fourth-placed finisher in the CONCACAF confederation in 2013 to one which, erm, just missed out in a playoff tie with the fifth best team in South American qualifiers?
Or will everyone think of me as just a self-serving wanker?
Problem is, New Zealand has never had a cult figure for a coach before.
I suppose Kevin Fallon came close. He was almost a "cult" figure - there was just one teeny weeny letter different in the word-spelling for him.
SUNDAY
But who WILL replace someone as irreplaceable as me?
It will be incredibly tough to find anyone of my ability - and I am first to admit it is not my problem.
And yet, maybe, just maybe I should offer myself as a consultant in finding my own successor.
It would be a shame to have New Zealand Football conduct a full review on planning and preparation, measures of success and activity, resourcing and support, structure of management and performance culture without my guiding hand to give a directional steer.
Traditionally I was always a fan of the fact the NZ Football board retained responsibility and accountability for the strategic outcomes of All Whites plans, with their accountants, lawyers, logistics experts, and management gurus, but nobody capable of asking the hard questions of a coach.
So who knows where that set-up could lead without me at the helm?
What ghastly legacy might endure if they discovered that in retrospect they might just as well have left Neil Emblen in charge four years ago?