Secret Diary of Anthony Hudson
Monday:
It's a big job coaching the All Whites. One of the biggest jobs in football. But the All Whites have done incredibly well since I've arrived and I just wish more people would acknowledge that, especially the media.
Spent 40 minutes doing internet scouting, looking for players with New Zealand connections. This team won't truly be mine until all the players have earned their very first caps from me. Then I killed four hours polishing my Wikipedia page, trying to get it just right.
That is also one of the biggest jobs in football. In fact I deserve more credit for handling two of the biggest jobs in football. My Wikipedia page is at least starting to reflect that.
My results with the All Whites have been fantastic, losing just one game and scoring 26 goals, conceding 5, if you include the New Zealand U23’s record and ignore those early losses.
Tuesday:
But am I safe in the All Whites job? It still haunts me that I was sacked after 19 games in charge at Newport and left them in the relegation zone. I'm a much better coach than that.
After 17 games here I can't even remember any All Whites losses. Indeed, my Wikipedia page should probably reflect that in some way. My Wikipedia page is very important to me. I am now Anthony Hudson (manager) whereas previously I was Anthony Hudson (footballer). Increasingly, I realise, life eventually comes to reflect Wikipedia.
Rang Darren Bazeley. "Do you want to come to the Confederations Cup?" I asked. "Of course," he said. "Well," I said, "you will need to assist me with some Wikipedia editing, it is a big job."
Told Andy Martin I now want to be known as the All Whites manager, not the coach. Harry Redknapp, Jose Mourinho, and Sam Allardyce they're all known as managers, so I should also be called manager.
"Do you realise," Andy said, "that in New Zealand being manager would mean you looking after the kit, doing the laundry and booking the team buses?" "Just details," I replied. "I'm now a manager on Wikipedia, so it's important to become a manager in real life."
Wednesday:
Another tough day. I've been blocked from three of my Wikipedia editing accounts by that Scooby Doo mob at Yellow Fever. Had to call in my old mate, Jeffbalusi, whose entire existence is focused on making positive edits to my Wikipedia page. Jeff has previously worked as a reporter in Newport and Bahrain, and coincidentally now works in Auckland. He's followed me to all corners of the earth. He's the journalist I most admire. Ha ha, if only people knew!
Coaching is not just all about getting out on the pitch with a bag of balls. No, that's the easy stuff. The real art is the behind the scenes stuff, the management, working the media, polishing the old image on Wikipedia.
That's what sets the top coaches apart, and I have come to accept that along with Jose Mourinho and Sam Allardyce, I am an incredibly ambitious coach. Mine and the All Whites' ambitions complement each other in that regard - though maybe I should play down the Allardyce comparison since he was sacked as England boss following that newspaper sting.
Thursday:
Press conference today. I got a bit prickly when one journalist asked me to confirm where I was born.
"That's an incredibly personal question, and it's irrelevant," I replied, while making a mental note to tell Dazza and Jeff they will have to work a lot harder on my Wikipedia page.
"You should be asking me about winning the Nations Cup for a record time or the performances against the US and Mexico, which deserve much more credit," I complain.
But the journalist presses me on whether I was born in America - and almost catches me out.
"The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle, the hills are the greenest green," I nostalgically reminisce at first, like a beautiful child growing up free and wild, full of dreams to last the years...
But then I gather myself. I point out even Kevin Fallon calls me a Whinging Pom. When a Whinging Pom calls you a Whinging Pom, you know you were born in either London or Birmingham. I resolve to work harder on cultivating my cockney accent - and my wikipedia page.
I am an extremely logical person. And I am an ambitious person. How many ambitious people were born in Seattle? Exactly. Therefore logically I could not have been born in Seattle.
It distracts me from my prepared lines about how the All Whites are on such a good run. We’ve not been beaten ever, and have scored 40 goals and conceded none - and to confirm it NZF have issued a tweet
I finish the conference by refusing to speak about Alex Rufer. Why should I? His Wikipedia page is shark.
Friday:
Dazza asks me if the six hours he's spent working on Anthony Hudson Wikipedia page edits is really worth it. At times it seems like he is fighting off a whole army of counter-editors.
"Yeah, it's really important," I said. "You have no idea how heavily NZ Football relied on it during their recruitment process. The thing is, these days NZ Football have all sorts of accountancy experts, legal experts, governance specialists, logistics advisors on their board - but nobody who can put a serious football question to a qualified coach. So a decent page kills it - Wikipedia is as far as they ever get for football knowledge."
Dazza's a good sort. Not classy enough to introduce to Jose or Big Sam, but still a handy gopher for these little jobs.
Meanwhile I spent the morning on the computer. But it's not all about Wikipedia. Knock out a few emails to Fleet St as well. For an international manager the media is very important because it is another source for us to get messages out and set the culture. I also offer some off-the-record tips about how managerial vacancies might be filled, and some take it hook, line and sinker. Make myself a stunning new avatar as well.
The All Whites have gone up a level under my managership, and it's because of that same attention to detail. The All Whites are the biggest climbers in world football - if you ignore the official biggest climbers annual award. And that's going on my Wikipedia page as soon as the next NZF staffer comes free from a current edit.
In the afternoon I go for a kickabout with Moses. I don't understand why people call him the new Jeremy Christie. I promise him he will be in the starting lineup if he can land two decent crosses in the box from the left flank. But with daylight saving now ended we run out of time after a couple of hours.
Saturday:
Popped down to watch Moses play. We're closer than people think. But I was running late, after my weekly appointment to get my designer stubble titivated at Rodney Wayne's, so probably missed his best touches.
Overall I'm still dissatisfied with the delusional young players I see in New Zealand, and the soft, laid-back culture. So I go and buy some new skinny trousers and pointy black shoes for the Confederations Cup. People need to appreciate we are not going to Russia just take part and make up the numbers. We want to look good too.
Meanwhile this Wikipedia editing is becoming a real battle. Who the hell is this Dale Warburton character who keeps changing my Wikipedia page? Obviously he's not a real person, but could he be a rogue element in my squad? NZ Football have 40 staff now, and I've got 20 of them working on my page, some working from home so the IP addresses don't raise suspicions.
I've got my players energised by some exciting challenges ahead, and the same now applies to NZ Football staff. I want them to build a Wikipedia page which gives them the chance to show the world what they can do. Or, more to the point, what I can do.
Sunday:
I'm starting to get a bit of stick on the fan forums. But I don't do this job to make friends - apart perhaps from in Moses' case. I'm paid to get results. It's not the head coaches job - sorry, manager's job - to be nice to people and confirm their irrational prejudices.
Of course I respect the fans hugely, but it doesn't make me happy or sad that they have an opinion about me. The game has changed in the internet era. It's not how it used to be many, many years ago. These days perception is reality, so we need to work on the perception as much as the reality. People need to understand that and I should probably work up a power point presentation about it.
There's a lot of criticism out there that I really don't care about, because I am essentially an agent of change, a man ahead of my time. If you are affected by the good stuff then you are going to be affected by the negative stuff.
That doesn't mean I don't care about what other people think. I do. I respect people in the game, but the bottom line is I think it is more valuable to have a half decent Wikipedia page that the whole world can see, and I just wish people could appreciate that, even that Dale Warburton bozo.
Secret Diary of Anthony Hudson
Monday:
It's a big job coaching the All Whites. One of the biggest jobs in football. But the All Whites have done incredibly well since I've arrived and I just wish more people would acknowledge that, especially the media.
Spent 40 minutes doing internet scouting, looking for players with New Zealand connections. This team won't truly be mine until all the players have earned their very first caps from me. Then I killed four hours polishing my Wikipedia page, trying to get it just right.
That is also one of the biggest jobs in football. In fact I deserve more credit for handling two of the biggest jobs in football. My Wikipedia page is at least starting to reflect that.
My results with the All Whites have been fantastic, losing just one game and scoring 26 goals, conceding 5, if you include the New Zealand U23’s record and ignore those early losses.
Tuesday:
But am I safe in the All Whites job? It still haunts me that I was sacked after 19 games in charge at Newport and left them in the relegation zone. I'm a much better coach than that.
After 17 games here I can't even remember any All Whites losses. Indeed, my Wikipedia page should probably reflect that in some way. My Wikipedia page is very important to me. I am now Anthony Hudson (manager) whereas previously I was Anthony Hudson (footballer). Increasingly, I realise, life eventually comes to reflect Wikipedia.
Rang Darren Bazeley. "Do you want to come to the Confederations Cup?" I asked. "Of course," he said. "Well," I said, "you will need to assist me with some Wikipedia editing, it is a big job."
Told Andy Martin I now want to be known as the All Whites manager, not the coach. Harry Redknapp, Jose Mourinho, and Sam Allardyce they're all known as managers, so I should also be called manager.
"Do you realise," Andy said, "that in New Zealand being manager would mean you looking after the kit, doing the laundry and booking the team buses?" "Just details," I replied. "I'm now a manager on Wikipedia, so it's important to become a manager in real life."
Wednesday:
Another tough day. I've been blocked from three of my Wikipedia editing accounts by that Scooby Doo mob at Yellow Fever. Had to call in my old mate, Jeffbalusi, whose entire existence is focused on making positive edits to my Wikipedia page. Jeff has previously worked as a reporter in Newport and Bahrain, and coincidentally now works in Auckland. He's followed me to all corners of the earth. He's the journalist I most admire. Ha ha, if only people knew!.
Coaching is not just all about getting out on the pitch with a bag of balls. No, that's the easy stuff. The real art is the behind the scenes stuff, the management, working the media, polishing the old image on Wikipedia.
That's what sets the top coaches apart, and I have come to accept that along with Jose Mourinho and Sam Allardyce, I am an incredibly ambitious coach. Mine and the All Whites' ambitions complement each other in that regard - though maybe I should play down the Allardyce comparison since he was sacked as England boss following that newspaper sting.
Thursday:
Press conference today. I got a bit prickly when one journalist asked me to confirm where I was born.
"That's an incredibly personal question, and it's irrelevant," I replied, while making a mental note to tell Dazza and Jeff they will have to work a lot harder on my Wikipedia page.
"You should be asking me about winning the Nations Cup for a record time or the performances against the US and Mexico, which deserve much more credit," I complain.
But the journalist presses me on whether I was born in America - and almost catches me out.
"The bluest skies you've ever seen are in Seattle, the hills are the greenest green," I nostalgically reminisce at first, like a beautiful child growing up free and wild, full of dreams to last the years...
But then I gather myself. I point out even Kevin Fallon calls me a Whinging Pom. When a Whinging Pom calls you a Whinging Pom, you know you were born in either London or Birmingham. I resolve to work harder on cultivating my cockney accent - and my wikipedia page.
I am an extremely logical person. And I am an ambitious person. How many ambitious people were born in Seattle? Exactly. Therefore logically I could not have been born in Seattle.
It distracts me from my prepared lines about how the All Whites are on such a good run. We’ve not been beaten ever, and have scored 40 goals and conceded none - and to confirm it NZF have issued a tweet
I finish the conference by refusing to speak about Alex Rufer. Why should I? His Wikipedia page is shark.
Friday:
Dazza asks me if the six hours he's spent working on Anthony Hudson Wikipedia page edits is really worth it. At times it seems like he is fighting off a whole army of counter-editors.
"Yeah, it's really important," I said. "You have no idea how heavily NZ Football relied on it during their recruitment process. The thing is, these days NZF have all sorts of accountancy experts, legal experts, governance specialists, logistics advisors on their board - but nobody who can put a serious football question to a qualified coach. So a decent page kills it - Wikipedia is as far as they ever get for football knowledge."
Dazza's a good sort. Not classy enough to introduce to Jose or Big Sam, but still a handy gopher for these little jobs.
Meanwhile I spent the morning on the computer. But it's not all about Wikipedia. Knock out a few emails to Fleet St as well. For an international manager the media is very important because it is another source for us to get messages out and set the culture. I also offer some off-the-record tips about how managerial vacancies might be filled, and some take it hook, line and sinker. Make myself a stunning new avatar as well.
The All Whites have gone up a level under my managership, and it's because of that same attention to detail. The All Whites are the biggest climbers in world football - if you ignore the official biggest climbers annual award. And that's going on my Wikipedia page as soon as the next NZF staffer comes free from a current edit.
In the afternoon I go for a kickabout with Moses. I don't understand why people call him the new Jeremy Christie. I promise him he will be in the starting lineup if he can land two decent crosses in the box from the left flank. But with daylight saving now ended we run out of time after a couple of hours.
Saturday:
Popped down to watch Moses play. We're closer than people think. But I was running late, after my weekly appointment to get my designer stubble titivated at Rodney Wayne's, so probably missed his best touches.
Overall I'm still dissatisfied with the delusional young players I see in New Zealand, and the soft, laid-back culture. So I go and buy some new skinny trousers and shiny black shoes for the Confederation Cup. People need to appreciate we are not going to Russia just take part and make up the numbers. We want to look good too.
Meanwhile this Wikipedia editing is becoming a real battle. Who the hell is this Dale Warburton character who keeps changing my Wikipedia page? Obviously he's not a real person, but could he be a rogue element in my squad? NZ Football have 40 staff now, and I've got 20 of them working on my page, some working from home so the IP addresses don't raise suspicions.
I've got my players energised by some exciting challenges ahead, and the same now applies to NZ Football staff. I want them to build a Wikipedia page which gives them the chance to show the world what they can do. Or, more to the point, what I can do.
Sunday:
I'm starting to get a bit of stick on the fan forums. But I don't do this job to make friends - apart perhaps from in Moses' case. I'm paid to get results. It's not the head coaches job - sorry, manager's job - to be nice to people and confirm their irrational prejudices.
Of course I respect the fans hugely, but it doesn't make me happy or sad that they have an opinion about me. The game has changed in the internet era. It's not how it used to be many, many years ago. These days perception is reality, so we need to work on the perception as much as the reality. People need to understand that and I should probably work up a power point presentation about it.
There's a lot of criticism out there that I really don't care about, because I am essentially an agent of change, a man ahead of my time. If you are affected by the good stuff then you are going to be affected by the negative stuff.
That doesn't mean I don't care about what other people think. I do. I respect people in the game, but the bottom line is I think it is more valuable to have a half decent Wikipedia page that the whole world can see, and I just wish people could appreciate that, even that Dale Warburton bozo.
