Anti-humour

Anti-humour

Some examples:

Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. It wasn't, numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.

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A man goes to a grocery store. While he is there, he buys bread, cheese and milk.

So as he is checking out, getting ready to pay, the cashier says: "Hey, you're single, aren't you?"

The man is astonished. "Wow, that's incredible. How did you know that?"

"You're ugly."

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A man walks into a pub. He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.

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So this guy walks into the doctor's and says "Doctor, it hurts when I poke my leg like this." The doctor says "Yes, you've shattered both your kneecaps. You'll never walk again."

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Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. Though if the ladder is rickety and she needs someone to steady it for her, two.

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Q: What was the pirate movie rated?
A: PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

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A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime.

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A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called, the duck is then taken to a near by park and released.

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Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: To go and seek counseling or at least some kind of legal advice because her significant other appears, on the surface at least, to be violent and dangerous.

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Q: What did the robot say to the child?
A: Nothing, he malfunctioned and strangled him. Despite the authorities best efforts to free the kid, he was still strangled because robots are really strong. After killing the boy, the robot self destructed and leveled 5 city blocks everyone within the vicinity was killed.

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Q: Why did the paramedic refuse to save the dying child?
A: Because he was off-duty!

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Your mother is so fat that her doctor recommended that she exercise regularly and eat foods with nutritional value.

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Q: Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
A: She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

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There's an Irishman, an Arab, and a Jew standing at a bar.  What a fine example of an integrated community.

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If anybody has any others post them here.

Lonegunmen, loyalgunner....

those are great!

Confucious says....

OR....

A bear walks into a bar and says " I'll have a ....... beer"
The bartender says 'why the big pause?'

The bear replies "I'm a fan of Harold Pinter"

Not my work.

Is it a bad thing that I found these funnier than your usual jokes LG?

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple?
  -The Holocaust


Three blind mice walk into a bar. Being blind, they are mostly unaware of their surroundings, so it would be unethical to derive humour from their predicament.

Why did the little boy say his prayers every night?
-Because every night at 2A.M. when his dad comes home drunk he hears him beat his mom and wonders when he will be next.



Yeah I know some of them are meh, but... meh?
Torne2009-07-13 19:11:52

HAHAHA!

Very well worded.Stefan2009-07-13 19:25:08

Q.  How many Pakistani's can you get into a mini?

A.  4, and possibly a small child.

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Why did the plane crash?

Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.   (Not so much anti-humour as ridiculous but brilliant).

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What did the man do when he found out his wife was cheating on him?

He beat her mercilessly with his shoe.

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
The police, we regret to inform you that your whole family has been killed in a car accident.

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what's white, blue and heavy?

Whats black & white and red all over.

Haha

Some of these are pretty good