This is an actual letter sent to the then DFAT (Department of
Foreign Affairs and Trade) Minster, The Hon Alexander Downer and the then
Immigration, The Hon Minister Amanda Vanstone. The Government tried in
desperation to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal
person who read it nearly wet themselves laughing!
Please excuse the language contained within, but I suspect the
author was somewhat upset? I'll let you decide!
Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe
this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows
that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and
yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what
date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all
the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's
licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid
customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the
planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that
I've filled out every 5 years since 1966..
Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my
mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely
f**king astounded, if that ever changed between now and when I drop
dead!!!...
sh*t!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullsh*t! You send the
application to my house, then you ask me for my f**king address!! What the
hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal
arseholes workin' there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture.. Do I look like Bin
Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to
New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi
girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether
I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do
something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not
want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the
city, and get another f**king copy of my birth certificate, and to part with
another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same
spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day??
Nooooo.. that'd be too f**king easy and makes far too much sense.. You
would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with
our f**king heads cut off, and then having to find some high society w**ker
to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the
photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you f**king morons
Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting
someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in
this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms
with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30
years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances.
I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. and Lt General
Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to
verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED
IN f**kING PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or
hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for
not having the 'right sort of government.'
You are all f**king idiots