Best/Worst Injury Ever...

This came up as a thought the other day while I was posting about an injury under Things that piss you off...

What are your best, worst or funniest injuries. Photos of scars add to the awesomeness. I have about 4 to share, two are testicle related so we begin here...(below post is also under the other thread)

Are you only looking for funny ones or do you want brutal nastiness as well?

Ok, well I'll share one of my funniest ones.

While playing Indoor football in goal I dived across the goal, saved it and in the process the ball hit the end of my fingers, was pretty sore, but had had a lot worse before so played on, after doing this my left hand was pretty much useless, we proceeded to concede 12 goals in the second half. I went home and strapped it up, assuming it was broken, took pain relief and carried on.

Anyway pain got worse and worse following day went to ED, they checked it out and the senior doctor looked and decided it was -

• Boutonniere deformity: The stabilizing portion of the extensor tendon (the tendon that is over the backside of your finger) is torn between the proximal and middle phalanges (the closest and middle bones of your finger). This causes an inability to straighten the joint between the proximal and middle phalanges.

  

Of my left ring finger with a recovery time of minimum 8 weeks, more likely 3-6months and could need surgery as well. This was in December 2012, and I would be splinted for at least 6 weeks, my wedding in February was 8 weeks away... I still can't fully straighten my finger and at my wedding in the closer photos you can see the bruises on my finger, and after the day I still coudn't wear my wedding ring for a fairly long while. If you want to know how mad my wife was you can always ask her...she'll tell you in no uncertain terms.

I got a black eye and a boot to the testicles in the same tackle.

Was chasing down a forward hoof from our centre half deep into the oppositions territory. The ball bounced quite high which gave me a chance (or so I thought) to win the aerial challenge against their defender. 

He waited for the football to drop and gave it an almighty thump with his right boot. It was at this time that I arrived on the scene fully committed to winning the ball but all I got was a football to the face from about 3 feet away and the boot that kicked the football continuiny on its trajectory right into the path of my testicles.

I was substituted shortly after

Tried to shake off a huhu beetle that had grabbed my bare foot, was a minor annoyance but I was carrying a plate of food so I shook my foot to dislodge it. Unfortunately I shook my foot into the side of a cabinet and shattered a couple of toes, needed a cast up to my hip for some reason.

But you could probably write with your foot now?

Years ago I got mallet finger playing indoor football (goalie).  Took ages to heal - apparently a very common injury in netball, b'ball etc.

I bloody ruptured the tendon again a couple of years back while tucking my shirt in!! Fudgesticks!

Finger is straight now but it 'feels' weak.

When I was 15, played in goal down at Strand Park for Upper Hutt college. Our right back tracked back but wouldn't tackle their striker so in I went to get the ball which I did get, but he got my two and the involuntary yelp was so loud it stopped a game 2 fields away. Then this St Johns guy came over and asked me if  wanted some deep heat on it FFS. WHich I politely declined.

Both my ring fingers are stuffed now. One from mallet finger which I got banging it picking up a chair of all things, and which still doesn't straighten properly, the other got broken when someone stood on it and then repaired itself crooked (cause I didn't go to the doctor right away). Overall I've been pretty lucky though, did a hammy once, broke a nose, sprained a wrist but nothing major. 

Both are good

Another testicle related one and it was an injury that wasn't an injury...

I was into Bodyboarding for a long time in the late 90s and early 2000's to the point where I got quite good at it, could do some decent moves including aerials. One day while surfing in some large waves at Houghton Bay, I came up the face of a wave at speed, left the lip and got some significant air. 

As I went up the wave my legs squeezed together for streamline and then as I left the lip of the wave and turned the board in the air, my legs spread to give balance and a bit of 'ommph'. It was a long way down from there and I hit the bottom of the wave again with quite a bit of force at which point there was a tearing, stinging, burning sensation in my marble bag. the pain was intense and I spent the next 2 or 3 mins struggling to get back to dry land to see what the damage was.

I pulled off my wetsuit (which is difficult enough) and my first thought was that there would be a ton of blood and nuts hanging out ala Buck Shelford. Here's what actually happened - I surf commando in my wetsuit. As my legs had spread, the wetsuit material had stretched and then when my legs came back together as I hit the wave, the weave of the wetsuit had closed trapping the entirety of my nut hair within the fabric. The force of landing then gave me an instant plucking of these hairs leaving me with a red raw scrote as smooth as a billiard ball.

Long term effects were the introduction of board shorts into my surfing kit and a terrible itch as everything grew back.

I strained some part of my rotator cuff taking my shirt off before bed the other night. I have never felt more like an old man in my life.

In other testicle-related chat. The most eye-watering injury I've ever seen was when I was coaching. On the field next to me a lad of about 12 jumped up to try to head a ball, legs apart (rookie). The guy on the other team had decided to lace the ball on the volley.

Well that kid won the header, but copped a full blooded laces volley to the nuts. He screamed the sort of vocal chord tearing scream you hear in horror films, then fainted, then had the indignity of coming to with his shorts down and his mother carefully inspecting his nuts in the middle of a busy football field.

Bad day for him.

I once tried to do a back of the neck hacky-sack stall just as the guy opposite me went for a regular kick resulting in a school shoe in the chops.

I shouldn't have read those last couple at work. Hilarious!

I have an acquaintance (name left out to save embarassment) who had finished being intimate with a lady friend and as they were disentangling she swung her leg around to get out of bed and accidentally roundhouse kicked him in the side of the head. 

Minor concussion was the result..

It's mostly nut related. I'm guessing a 75% ratio

Only nut related one I have is from a game of indoor football down at shed 1. I was on the inside chasing after a guy running down the wing and he unleashed a bullet shot which flew into the far top corner just as I caught him. His kicking leg swung around and I took the full force of his foot in the nuts. I went flying and rolled about halfway up the netting dividing the 2 pitches. Managed to hobble off and I came back on later in the game but couldn't really run and was a bit scared to go near the ball.

Had a few not as funny injuries, will post some later.

I have this on one of my toes too - no idea how it happened but one day it was bent upward and has been ever since. Probably happened around 15 years ago Im guessing.

Other injuries (this one not football related) are a 6 inch scar on my upper right thigh from crashing my bmx about 10 years ago - was about 2cm wide and 1cm deep, didnt even know i did it (just thought i tore my jeans) until about 6 hours later when it started tingling. Took my jeans off and was amazed - didnt even get stitches or anything, just put some gauze on it and slipped a compression sleeve over it.

Blew my knee to pieces in a tackle during 6th form, ran in to hit the ball as hard as i could and POP. Tried coming back onto the field but my knee was clicking around - pain kicked in later on that evening. Did the same thing to my ankle approx 4 years ago - rolled it preseason and it blew up pretty huge. Couldnt even lightly jog for a year.

The best though (again not football related) was when i was hit by a bus at about 3 years of age. Shattered my pelvis and both legs and had a sweet half body cast with a poop hole and piss pipe. Wish my parents kept it :(

that would have made sn awesome porn blooper if they were filming themselves

Tripped over a tent rope while doing lsv and landed on the tip of my elbow. Got up, did a skit in my undies, and ignored it. Few days later the platoon sergeant saw it and freaked, went to hospital for scans, but I had just bruised the bone. Lost a couple of degrees of movement in my arm though.

I thought the two bold statements were related...

I got a paper cut today when doing some photocopying.

Do I win $10?

I didn't realize there would be so many mallet finger stories so I'll add mine as well. I had just got home from a run and was getting ready to shower. I went to take my sock off and was pushing the sock down with my finger. My finger got stuck in the sock and bent right back rupturing the tendon. This happened the day before I was about to have a deck built at home. I spent the next day digging 13 holes for posts with my finger taped up. Then went to the hospital who told me what I'd done and put it in a splint for 8 weeks. I then had to go to Physio for my finger as stupid as that sounds. I was the first person they'd ever seen with this injury and became known as the "finger guy"
 I also had to go to hospital for regular checks and sit in the waiting room with people who had broken legs, broken arms etc while I sat there with my finger splint. That was the most embarrassing part.
Just over a year later though and my finger is fully healed and as straight as it was before the injury so all good now.

that is the nick-name I wanted when I was at school.

I think I tore a vocal cord yelling at the TV last night...

I think I've got one that rates pretty high on the brutality scale.

When I was 8 I was at my grandma's house in west Auckland, which was in a block of units down a long driveway. Her door was right at the end of the driveway and it had a full length plate glass window in the middle of it. My mum and grandma were outside talking and I was riding a bike up and down the driveway. It was my sister's old bmx which I'd just inherited. My old bike had brakes on the handlebars but this one didn't - it was a fixed gear job so you just backpedalled to brake. 

So, I was riding as fast as I could down the drive and I took my feet off the pedals to let them spin so I could cruise. Then I realised I was coming up to the door fast. I went to brake by using my hands and realised there were no brakes there. I ran out of time to stop and I just plowed into the window. 

When I went through it I didn't actually do much damage, just a few minor cuts on my hands. But I panicked and stood up and the broken glass that was hanging down from the top of the pane sliced into my arm cutting through the skin, muscle, artery and nerve before stopping at the bone. I don't really remember it hurting, just freaking out at how much blood there was, and running around and seeing a big chunk of my arm flapping about.

Luckily my mum grabbed me and managed to slow the bleeding putting pressure on the wound. I kind of drifted in and out of consciousness a bit I think but by the time the ambulance turned up I had lost about a 3rd of my blood. I got taken to Starship hospital but they couldn't free up a theatre so they shipped me off to Middlemore where it took them about 5 and a half hours to stitch all the bits of my arm up. Turns out that by being a freak of medical science I might have lived when I would otherwise have died - most people's artery in their upper arm splits in 2 at the elbow, but mine splits higher, which meant I only cut one branch of it and lost less blood than I otherwise might have.

Long story short, now I've got a massive scar on my arm that kind of splits my bicep on that side in half. My right arm is still noticeably weaker than the left as a result. The nerve damage was pretty serious too - I couldn't feel my index finger, middle finger, and thumb at all. It's grown back a bit but the feeling in them is still like wearing a glove - sometimes I burn them or cut them and don't notice still. As I grew the scar tissue inside my arm didn't, so it stretched and caused me a lot of pain and weird tingling sensations. I had another op when I was 18 to try and remove some of  the scar tissue. It was mostly successful but I still occasionally get random pains or pins and needles.

The scar has faded a bit now:

Here's the bicep flexed, so you can see how the scar kind of still cuts it in 2:

Skit was about our Corporal, who enjoyed it. By the way, freezing night in christchurch, just undies, not a good idea.

No photos for this one: I also once burst a blood vessel in my dick during sex. Didn't notice at the time because it didn't hurt or anything, but I went for a piss a bit later and one side of it was all dark purple and swollen. It was terrifying, I had no idea what was happening. Emergency dash to the doctor to be told that it wasn't a big deal and it would heal itself soon enough, which it did. Nothing like looking down at your deformed genitals to scare the bejeezus out of you though!

My most painful adult injury was while sitting on a bus in Lambton Quay.

I sneezed. Just a regular sneeze like thousands before and since.

Except...

...I popped a rib cartilage.

Oh lordy! I wailed like a school girl. Then and for a couple of weeks afterwards whenever I coughed, sneezed, laughed, or rolled over in my sleep.

However as a child...

When I was 4 I got a superman outfit. No one told me it didn't give you the ability to fly. So I excitedly climbed up on the garage roof and jumped off, fully confident that I could fly like superman. It came as quite a rude shock to me to find out that I couldn't, but by then I was committed. The clothes line was rapidly approaching, and my left hand clobbered into one of the other wires, which flipped me over and I landed in the garden next to the house.

That hurt, quite a lot actually. But what hurt even more was when mum came running out in response to the noise and my screaming. She saw me and scooped me up in her arms. Normally that would have been okay, but in this case there was a four by two piece of timber in the garden covered over by a whole lot of creeper vines. She could not see it was there. I was acutely aware that it was there, and that it had about a 2 inch barbed nail sticking out of the top of it because this had gone right through my foot and out the top.

So as she tried to scoop me up, the 4 by two was held in place by all the vines over the top of it, and my foot was held in place against the 4 by 2 by the barbs on the end of the nail sticking out the top of my foot. But mother's are very protective of there kids, and nothing was going to stop her scooping her boy up into her arms to comfort him. Especially because the pitch of his screaming had just doubled, the way young kids' screaming often does once a parent is on station and they are getting some attention. So she scooped, and tried to stand up. And the vines held the 4 by 2, and the nail held my foot, and I screamed like a banshee. So she tried to scoop and straighten even more, and so on.

Not an ideal situation. By the time she realised the 4 by 2 was now about 2 feet off the ground with the vines valiantly straining to keep a hold of it, and my leg was stretched out awkwardly and my foot was fountaining blood like a guyser.

The 4 by 2 came to hospital with me, still attached and the doctors cut the head off the nail with bolt cutters and then slid it out of my foot and washed it out and gauzed it up etc.

That really hurt too.

LOL, I am sure I read it like many others... I thought you meant you skid marked your undies...

Wow... and ouch!

So getting assaulted by twunty Baxters employees was pretty small beer in comparison!

Quality material coming out here now. Thread is delivering.

LOL

Also refreshing to see that genital related injuries have dropped to just 50% of stories away from the initial 80%. 

Distinct lack of actual football or drinking injuries though...

How about smashing your face open on stadium seats while hammered on the 12 pubs?

I was 4 mins into a game 2 years ago (a freezing cold 8:30pm game at Wakefield), holding ball in hand I punted the ball and bit a bit of extra sauce on it. Turned out the ball was a bit lighter than I'd expected and hyper-extended and then tore my hip flexor. So minor in relation to other injuries but excruciating and topped off with a girly high pitched squeal as I went over like a sack of spuds.