Scots and Poms.. have a read

Scots and Poms.. have a read

Wha's Like Us?

The typical Englishman finishes his breakfast of toast and marmalade invented by Mrs Keller of Dundee, Scotland, and slipsinto his raincoat, patented by Charles Mackintosh from Glasgow, Scotland. He then walks to his office along an Enlgish - tarmac surfaced - lane, invented by John Loudon MacAdam of Ayr, Scotland. Or he arrives in his car, which is fitted with pneumatic tyres patnented by John Boyd Dunlop, of Dreghorn, Scotland.
Before he had a car he used to travel by train, which was powered by a steam engine, invested by James Watt of Greenock, Scotland.
In his office he deals with the mail bearing adhesice stamps invented by John Chalmers of Dundee, Scotland, and makes frequent use of the telephone, invented by Alexander Graham Bell, born in Edinburgh, Scotland.
At home in the evening, he dines on his favourite Roast beef from Aberdeen Angus, raised in Aberdeenshire, Scotland. He then watches some televisionan invention of Scotsman John Logie Baird, of Helensbourgh, Scotland - about John Paul Jones, father of the United States navy, born in Kirkbean, Scotland. The Englishman's son prefers to read Treasure Island, written by famous Scottish author, Robert Louis Stevenson, from Edinburgh, Scotland. Whilst his daughter prefers to play in the garden with her bicycle, invented by Kirkpatrick Macmillan, of Thornhill, Scotland.

It is impossible for an Englishman to escape the ingenuity of the Scots!

In desperation he turns to the bible only to find that the first person metioned is a Scotsman king James V1, who authorized the translation.
He could - of course - turn to drink, but Scotland makes the finest whiskey in the world.
At the end of his tether he uplifts a rifle to end it all, but Captain Patrick Feguson, of Pitfours, Scotland invented the Breech-loading-rifle!
If the Englishman escapes death by the rifle, he would find himself being injected with penicillin
discovered by Scottish Bacteriologist, Sir Alexander Fleming, of Darvel, Scotland - or he might be given Chloroform, am anaesthetic first used by Sir James Young Simpson, of Bathgate, Scotland.
Out of the anaesthetic, the Englishman's mood would not be improved if the doctor told him that his condition was as safe as the bank of England, which was founded by William Paterson, of Dumfries, Scotland.

Perhaps in order to get some peace, he could request a transfusion o guid Scottish blood so that he to could be entitled to ask

Wha's like us? CelticFC2007-09-17 17:27:13

Yep everything in this world was invented by a load of jocks. Good one.Wolfben2007-09-17 17:57:17

History will show the only thing you really invented was the deep fried Mars bar.

And you turned a perfectly good skirt into some kind of transexual icon where men with no underwear now wear  it. Wolfben2007-09-17 19:15:23

you forgot porridge - the world's only grey food

.....and we invented cholesterol and are the World Heart Attack champions 

"Cholesterol. Scottish people eat it" - Alan Partridge
Auckland Jag2007-09-17 21:43:37

I thought that was the Greeks?

brilliant. f**k the english (i know thats gonna get moderated right quik)

SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS

A Scotsman walking through a field, sees a man drinking water from a pool with his hand.
The Scotsman shouts " Awa ye feel hoor that �s full O� coos Sharn"  (Don't drink the water, it's full of cow s **t.)
The man shouts back     "I'm English,   Speak English,   I don't understand you".
The Scotsman shouts back      "Use both hands, you'll get more in."

What is the only thing you can get out of a scotsman? >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

What sports are the Scottish good at?

Curling?

Football. France 0 Scotland 1. Nuff said.

Yeah, listen to the Cook Island, Samoan, Scots, Pittsburgh, Wellingtonian

Scotland are currently World Elephant Polo champions - so stick that in your pipe!

And don't forget the Homeless World Cup!!!

beating france twice in football is hi enuf achievement

dont forget that we invented 7s ruga!

The worst form of rugby

GO HOME Jamie

I AM HOME! ITS WERE MY COMPUTER IS!

We invented the Buzzy Bee so take that

Don't get me wrong; I love a deep fried mars bar, me!

That comes as no surprise KP.

Hernandez must be a fan as well.

Are you and Frankie Mac fans of the Deep fried mars bar HN

No, the meat content isn't high enough.

Remove the Mars bar and make it Steak or Pork and I'm there.
Hard News2007-09-18 21:47:35

Its a Bee with wheels that you drag around with a string

and how is that fun?

   A deep fried pork bar? Sounds awfully sus.

I think he expected common sense Celtic. I think he picked the wrong person but.