Tell Us About Yourself · Yellow Fever Nga Wana Kowhai · Supporters of the Wellington Phoenix

I'll start:-

I live mostly in the Innkeepers Lodge Johnsonville and I Support the Nix & MILLWALL.

To continue -

My buttocks have appeared on the Ã¯Â¿Â½Fair GoÃ¯Â¿Â½ show and on Outrageous Fortune as a tramp, killed by Pascal because he didnÃ¯Â¿Â½t ring her in the morning. My peach like buttocks have appeared in such blockbusters as "The cars that ate Paris" "Snow White does Rotorua, Skegness and Dunedin!" and my finest hour as Burt LancasterÃ¯Â¿Â½s chin in From Here to Eternity with the beach scene involving Deborah Kerr as my tour de force which propelled me into the North Fuji Thespians, an act for which my father disowned me, calling me a lesbian and cutting me off from my inheritance.

My academic career spans such exotic locations such as Barnehurst primary school until after my 11 plus (the size of my ***** & at such a tender age) I was transported Bexleyheath Secondary High School

I am currently gainfully employed as a paper weight in a large office on the 2nd floor Sir Helen Clarks office. I am anti nipple piercing and would one day like to own a ferret or a weta named Metcalf, after the newsreader.

Mrs Smiths breasts encased in Mohair endeared me to Scripture Union and I forget how many pencils I dropped trying to look up her dress. One day I hope to be a door stop, or maybe learn to mimic parrots in the wild. I am not well, and yet I am content with my lot.

I think I have AlzheimerÃ¯Â¿Â½s, but to be honest I canÃ¯Â¿Â½t remember, I am currently trying to contact Susan Toetickler, who traumatised me as a child by pulling my trousers down in the basement of her sweet shop on Crayford Road, this act will possibly end in litigation. If any one has photographs of this incident please do not sell them to the News of the World, the shock could kill my elderly grandmother even though she lives in Tokyo, and is totally blind and cannot hear, but if she gets a whiff of this, there goes another inheritance.

If Mr Collins reads this, I owe my success, verve, confidence and unshakeable faith in classic literature to you and your tieÃ¯Â¿Â½s get some therapy.

I left school in 1971 and worked at Vickers Crayford, but after redundancy progressed to working at GEC Erith where Andy Smith, me and an odd bloke with curly hair (Tony) smoked weed every day and did bugger all work. I left in 1977 to become a celebrity grave digger. I've buried the greats such as Lord Lucan; a contract job paid in advance, Ronald Reagan who I think may have still been breathing but his family asked me to proceed with great haste, Lord Lucan again after he turned up in Naples wearing his sisterÃ¯Â¿Â½s underwear, and so on ad infinitum. I am now studying to be a cabbage, and have actually got up to 200 dollars, on who wants to be millionaire at home, with a very large dictionary and amphetamines because I read so slowly.

My only claim to fame is that along with Tom Thwate we penned the now famous fart poem that appears on the video called in bed with Madonna, "A fart is a volcanic eruption it comes from the mountain of bum, it reverberates down your trouser legs and makes a musical hum, A fart is a friendly gesture, it sets the mind at ease, it warms the bed in winter time and suffocates the fleas... etc etc" God knows how Madonna got hold of it, Tom and I wrote it in 1985 sitting out the front of our tent at the Bali Hyatt caravan park in Whitstable, but there you go life is stranger than friction init?

One day I will be famous, and you can say I knew him; he was a great relocated Millwall supporter.

Please donÃ¯Â¿Â½t judge me, I am getting help!