Yup, Stuff took some liberties with the headline (I wrote it as something about Acts of Kindess Benefiting Society) but they ran with something that riled up a lot of people. The trolls came out - some ignorant, most just stupid, inane comments that showed they actually hadn't read the article properly.
A couple of things though.
First the title does colour the piece, a lot. the first thing going into it is "this writer is going to shark on my city because...". It's classic Stuff outrage bait, they want the snarky trolly comments as it gets them hits, and they know a bias and "outrageous" headline gets more clicks and more outrage.
Also while it sucks to be in your situation, needing and wanting a seat, lets not shark on the people who have been shark on from the other side.
In my only a decade here I have had two incidents I can remember off the top of my head. when I first moved to Welly I was a young buck with all of the innocence and the optimism in the world. In the first couple of months someone on crutches got on to the bus so I offered them my seat. They want fudgeing ballistic at me, they said stuff like "how pathetic are you that you feel the need to help the poor crippled man, I can do shark on my own and if I want your seat Ill ask rather than being put down as helpless in public", being a long time ago I don't remember the specifics, but I do remember feeling like a small minded little dick head for assuming that my seat may help him more than me.
The issue isn't just "You’re going to let a little pride get in the way of being a good person? You’re not really trying then are you?". The issue was I felt like a scummy piece of shark who hid away in my corner for the rest of the trip. I have only felt that bad a few times in my life, and genuinely believed after that interaction that offering up my seat to someone was telling them that they are too weak to stand and to pathetic to ask. what else was I supposed to believe, that in that interaction the person was wrong about how they felt by my interaction.?
So from that I learned that trying to be nice can offend people, and to avoid offending I shouldn't offer assistance unless it is my job to do so.
Over the years I would very occasionally offer a seat up but I would always say "I'm getting off at the next stop, would you like my seat?", and then get off no matter how far away from my stop I was because I was too scared to be yelled at in public for being ignorant again. Hell one time I walked a few blocks in really bad (by wellington standards) wind and rain int he same zone so it cost me the same, just so I could offer that little bit of assistance without the risk of being berated in public.
Pregnant women weren't on my list because I didn't quite get how much pain they can be in and thought it would be condescending to offer as I incorrectly believed they were able bodied, until my partner was pregnant and I learned just how permanently uncomfortable they can be.
So a couple of years ago a heavily pregnant woman gets on a bus, looking uncomfortable as all hell standing. I offered her my seat and I shark you not she says to me (not yelling, but still plenty of people could hear), "oh look at the big hero, coming to save the damsel in distress, does it make you feel good about yourself to help a woman you think its too weak to handle the world for herself? I can stand but maybe this kid who has been waiting for longer would like your seat" gesturing to a teenager in school uniform. There was some other BS in there about me being sexist as well but those words were the ones that stuck with me.
I couldn't even respond I was such a strong mix of fury at the rude bitch and ashamed for offending her by offering assistance.
So whats the moral of the story? Now I offer no assistance because based on interactions it can offend people to offer, and I don't want to offend people by being a sexist pig and offering a seat.
I get that you're injured and uncomfortable and need to vent about how strangers didn't offer you thing, but maybe you should ask.
Those strangers don't know how much pain you are in, and they don't know your world views. Sure some probably are lazy and don't want to give up their seats, but some may have injuries you can't see, or might have had an interaction with someone I dealt with and may not want to offend you.
Lets think about that for a moment again. You may be criticizing people for not offering up a seat if they are in pain, OR because they may not want to offend you. You don't know how many of them are just dicks, and how many have read the crap on the internet, or seen these interactions, or been in one of these interactions, and are trying to be nice by not making an assumption about your needs based only on what they see.
So to put it very simply, people who appear to be in need can fudge right off if they are going to write passive aggressive articles instead of just asking. I am happy to give my seat up to people in need but only they know how much pain they are in so they need to initiate the discussion and fudgeing ask.
Sorry for the angry rant but this really bothers me, people just assuming that the lame excuses they have are the only reasons fopr people not doing what they want.
I tend to disagree with you on many points - and this is a Wellington issue as it was experienced in Wellington. I tried to get the title changed, Stuff wouldn't.
Let me just dissect a few of your points...
I have offered my seat up plenty of times, been turned down or even had someone hassle me about it. It's not going to stop me offering as people who do that are int he minority. I'd rather continue to help than lets a few miserable people change me as a person
- "...need to vent about how strangers didn't offer you thing, but maybe you should ask."
Should I need to ask? It's kind of the point that I shouldn't. People should just see someone who is incapacitated to some degree and they should want to help. I think the tone of the article wasn't that I was feeling sorry for myself, rather that it had made me more aware of the fact people just don't bother to offer to help people in the situations I witnessed. The problem with many people is that they tend to whinge so much, that they see an opinion that differs from their own OR is counter to what they believe and perceive that person to be whingeing as well. I see it as raising awareness to hopefully (even if a small amount of hope) make a poor situation better.
- "...but some may have injuries you can't see, or might have had an interaction with someone I dealt with and may not want to offend you"
This is possible but of the 50 people sitting who had a view of the lady with a walking stick, a large portion had injuries or previous bad experiences offering up seats? I'm sorry but that's rubbish.It was a majority of laziness.
- "...So to put it very simply, people who appear to be in need can fudge right off if they are going to write passive aggressive article.."
Possibly one of the worst things I've read on the internet, ever and I've been in the Arsenal forum. If no-one took the time to talk about these issues, debate them and discuss them things will likely just get worse and worse - chances are they probably will but screw it if i'm going to sit around, shrug and not try to influence a few people here and there to TRY and make things a bit better.
I'm sorry that you've had a couple of bad experiences and that this has made you bitter and twisted over this kind of thing but I tend to believe people are mostly good and just need a prod now and again. You've given every excuse in the world as to why not to help someone, but very little insight in what you would do to make things better.