AFF Women's Division 1 - back to the MAP

Well, it's back to my old club, as there seemed to be no way that I could displace the current UniMount Div 1 keeper - a former Young Fern. But it's quite nice, Mt Albert-Ponsonby has got a lot of strong players this year and a coach who actually understands tactics and can explain them.

First out, a 4-2 away loss to Eastern Suburbs. I had a reasonably good game but I should have stopped that freakish third goal which went over my head, hit the crossbar, hit me then went in. Probably not enough pre-season "getting to know one another" games, and the back 4 took a long while to get themselves sorted.

This week - the big test against my old team UniMount (Bohemian Celtic). I know how these Irish girls operate - very hard but very fair - and MAP will have to keep our confidence up and not end up giving up in the first 30 minutes.

MAP 1 - 2 UniMount

Lost by a scrappily headed goal in the last minute. The hardest I've ever worked in a game. The ref let in a soft penalty against us and seemed to miss an obvious handball by them in the dying stages. I got Player of the Day but spoilt it all by throwing a tantrum in the changing sheds. I don't take losing well.

Have you noticed I don't post at all on the days after we lose? :)

Clendon 2 - 0 MAP

Well, that was depressing. Another example of our relatively new team playing out of its skin, but a lack of communication let us down - in both cases the goals were brilliant strikes from outside the box. I am really getting annoyed at this. Here's hoping for a home win against Ellerslie.

Coach says he'll shout us all a drink ("including top shelf") if we beat Ellerslie 6-0 or better this Sunday. I can do the 0 if the others can do the 6!

Nothing wrong with being shouted a beer D (pre-edit).

MAP 2 - 3 Ellerslie

So, no beer then. :(

This season - 0 points from 4 games so far - is kind of like the last Nix season, only worse. We've got the talent, we've got the gameplan... but the gameplan either doesn't come together, but it comes together for 80% of the game and in the other 20% the other team win it. I did make some bad-ass saves near the end, but that was because I had to because the shots were coming thick and fast and it could have been a rout.

AFF rang us up and asked if we wanted to swap places with Waiheke, who are tearing it up in Division 2. Full credit and pride to the girls for almost unanimously voting "no". You don't learn anything squashing a minnow, but you might learn it being beaten four or even five (God forbid) games in a row.

Maybe you should have asked AFF that if the swap meant you lot playing off-shore every second weekend, were Waiheke going to cover your ferry expenses. Then you might have been tempted!

MAP 0 - 2 Onehunga-Mangere

Bossed off the park by a bunch of 19 year olds. I won't go into the depths of my bitterness because the letter the coach sent around the squad did that for me. Wow. I've never seen a verbal spanking like that. We deserved it.

Manukau City 1 - 0 MAP

This is just getting ridiculous. And even more depressing, I was benched for the first 85 minutes. I think coach wanted to show me that, contrary to my massive ego, I'm not indispensible. He put a midfielder in goal and it didn't make much difference - the goal was an extremely lucky shot from way out and I couldn't have got it either. 

The worst thing is that we were playing 90% of the football, but there's a saying about the broad side of a barn which appears to apply to our strikers.

Great banter on the sideline at last game:

COACH: Our girls just aren't showing enough mongrel in the opposition box.

ME: Put me on up front! I can do mongrel.

COACH: ... not a bad idea, but you'd get a card within 10 minutes.

ME: True.

MAP 0 - 4 Papakura

This is the team that got fast-promoted to Div 1 after running through Div 2 like a dose of salts. Easily the classiest team we've played this year. Easily my hardest ever game in goal - I have never been so stuffed not playing outfield, what with saving and clearing,  Almost got even harder in the last 5 when our centre-back went down, we had no subs left and if she hadn't got up again, coach would have swapped her with me.

How is your anger management going?

Our team so far has only one win from 6 matches and we have had two hidings, the rest have been close (but no cigar).

It's going to be a long, long, season.

Oh, I'm feeling much less She-Hulk, thanks for asking. The team has been playing much better. It's just we can't blimmin' score.

MAP 1 - 0 Beachlands-Maraetai

FINALLY!!! The communication in the backline finally worked out in the last game of the first round and the opposition didn't have anything but route 1 stuff. It was a bit nervewracking in the second half - I was thinking "how are we going to stuff this up?" - and the strikers still had problems putting stuff away. But we held our shape in the midfield. The fact that we remembered we had a shape in the midfield was remarkable enough.

I didn't have my best game - fumbled a few high balls, which came in too regularly for my liking - but no damage was done, and I managed to get up the opposing forward's nose, which is always fun.

So that's 1-0-7, 3 points from 8 matches in the first round. Well. The second round will be better.

3 pts from 8 games.  Better than some teams.

We were 4 from 7 last week.  New round over the weekend and we got humped. F*cksticks!

MAP 0 - 3 Eastern Suburbs 

MAP 0 - 1 UniMount

Ellerslie 2 - 0 MAP

The season from hell drags on. I didn't even play in the UniMount game; coach wanted me to come on as an outfield sub but never got around to putting me on. (I totally bet I'd make a good target-woman; a huge irony is I have a really good header, which ironically I hardly ever get to use in my main position.)

That said, the Ellerslie game was probably my best of the season. Their girls dragged in some ringers from their Conference side, and any keeper will tell you that a good team will make you work harder between the sticks and therefore play better. It felt good being able to do stuff like, for example, psych strikers out in 1-on-1s, or go up in the air to claim the ball at corners, which are both kind of rare occasions at my level.

You should try a Higuita Scorpion Kick - the coach will surely put you in the outfield next time.

Knockout cup: Papakura (Conference) 8 - 0 MAP (Div 1)

All I have to say about this is that I got player of the day for keeping perhaps a dozen more goals out. That kind of game.

Onehunga-Mangere 1 - 3 MAP

Now THAT's more like it. Our top striker was back from a month sunning herself on a beach somewhere and got a hat-trick. This team of tough young ladies (at the first round encounter their player of the day wasn't old enough to drink) were tough and fast, but they only had one game - the long ball - and we eventually managed to counter that. Our passing worked and our midfielders were able to put in through balls occasionally. Their only goal came from a ripper of a free kick which just about took the tips of my fingers off.

MAP 2 - 2 Manukau City

Ouch, what a hard game. We were far superior in passing and tactics and went straight through their midfield twice and then got glorious shots in from the edge of the box. But they edged us in strength and dribbling prowess, and their goals came from defensive errors allowing them to pretty much dribble up to the near post. I have bruised knuckles from punching away a powerful shot from about 5 yards away.

Still, 4 points from our last 2 games, that's more than the entire previous season!!! Avoiding relegation may yet happen.

Papakura City 1 - 1 MAP

MAP 2 - 1 Onehunga Sports

Two fantastic results against teams who went through us for a short cut in the first round (4-0 and 5-0 respectively). Why oh why did we wait until 3/4 of the way through the season to get our on-the-deck passing game going on? Their goal was just a perfect storm of defensive errors on our part after a tight first half, while our wing slotted a beautiful strike in the top corner after a penalty was converted for a handball in the box. But begods did their coach (who was acting as lino) go on about that one. I was disappointed the ref didn't give him a ref.

So that's 8 points from the last 4 games... compared to 3 from the 12 before that. Probably only one game to go, and if we win that as well we have a real chance of avoiding relegation. I hope I don't have to play in Div 2 again. The strikers aren't good enough and you don't learn anything as a keeper.