Park Life: 2008

None of whom offered to be Park Life's correspondent.

Greeks Go Down, Hutt Give It To United, and Come On Wests!

Park Life reviews a weekend of full on action!

Come On Wests

The customary media blackout that envelops Taranaki means that Park Life was unable to source a correspondent for this match. Nonetheless we feel it's fair to assume that Wests dominated large portions of a match in which Taranaki lumped it long to two front men.

Matt Calcott-Wilson will be stoked to be finally heading up the table instead of down it and Taranaki will be wishing Gisborne had stayed in the league instead of them.

Goals to Dave Johnson, Ben Feld and John Rowe were enough to see off the Naki and guarantee Wests a pleasant flight home on the Wilson Airways learjet.

Taranaki are, we're told, much better this year than they were last year which is either a sad indictment of their quality last year or a point in favour of the concept. Depending on your perspective.

Park Life is all a quiver in anticipation of the Round 14 clash between Stop Out and Taranaki at the Raceway. Mark it in your diaries now.

Hutt Give It To United

Park Life's bread and butter is blame spreading and the lateness (and combined-ness) of this week's Park Life posting is due in considerable part to the lackadaisical dilly dallying of some of our contributors.

Park Life's man at Bell Park has blown out badly and this report comes in well past deadline!

Lower Hutt City moved back to the top of the Big Travel League with a comfortable 3-0 home win over Wellington United.

On a wet dour day Lower Hutt dominated from the outset and were rewarded early thanks to some poor goalkeeping after a Pedro 5 Goals cross looped over the keeper and in off the far post in the 18th minute.

Shortly thereafter Rooker doubled the lead after some sleepy Oranje defending allowed Pedro 5 Goals space in the 6 yard box. He set up Rooker for a second.

2 nil the half time score.

United showed some steel in the 2nd spell but created little and the scoring was rounded off by Pedro 5 Goals in the 90th minute after a lovely Churchy cross.

Lower Hutt continue to go well and if they can stave off a Greek-like implosion will be in contention

Greeks Go Down

Both teams were up for this game and the Greeks had the swagger of a team expecting a win.

But it was the Mar first out of the traps. From a pin point Chris Peck cross striker Big G Mulvey fashioned a looping header that looked goal bound. But a great scrambled save from the Greek keeper kept it out.

And then his brain exploded.

As Jamo raced to retrieve the ball he'd just saved he was so obviously second in a race with Tommy Smith With An I. Everyone in the world saw it coming a minute before it happened but he still took the part-time player and ESPN pundit wannabe down to a huge sigh pitch wide.

Miramar striker Mulvey placed the ball on the spot and to a chorus of Greek boos rifled it top corner Alan Shearer-style to send the away side into an early lead.

As expected the Greeks rallied and 15 minutes in parity was restored.

A great cross from the left put Mar keeper Simon Shone in two minds leaving him outjumped and out muscled by the Olympic centre forward for the easiest of headed finishes.

Suddenly the circus had arrived in town as bells, fireworks and old men with white handkerchiefs emerged all around Newtown Park.

The Greeks now expected to canter to a win but the Mar had not read the script as they came straight back at Olympic from the kick off.

Playing by far the more effective attacking game they broke with speed every time they went forward and a great move invloving Keiichi, Mulvey and young Brooke Frazer on the left saw the ball flash across the box only to be smashed home by penalty winner Tommy Smith With An I.

Cue the Jeremy Brockie show.

The new recruit decided it was his turn for a slice of souvlaki. Picking the ball up in his own half he glided past 3 defenders before making his way to the byline. The world expected him to square it but instead he proceeded to give the keeper "the eyes" and then rolled the ball into the back of the net as the keeper made a move expecting the cross.

Olympic kept up their tidy build up play and despite looking very comfortable on the ball and negotiating some nice triangles they were not really threatening.

Calls of "Hey is that guy Jimmy playing" echoed from the sideline as Chris "Gabriel Heinze" Peck got the measure of his man.

Half time came and went and it was obvious the next goal would be crucial. Miramar and the game is out of sight, Olympic and its game on.

The second spell started as the first had and it was the Mar who took the decisive goal. Brooke "I cant head the ball wearing my helmet" Tozer rose majestically to play a neat one two with the cross bar before the defender said sod it and bashed into his own net.

Cue part two of the Jeremy Brockie show. Not as good as the first but a rifled left foot strike from 15 yards left the keeper with no chance.

Olympic never stopped playing a great brand of football and they continued to work the ball neatly from back to front to middle to wide. Their midfield demonstrating just how good they are and looking extremely comfortable, but to no avail.

The best they could muster came from the left full who cracked a shot from fully 45 yards that cut every daisy on the pitch before pinging back off the post. One inch the other way and it would have been one of the best Park Life has ever seen!

The game was all but over but other highlights included Big G Mulvey's curled free kick that came back off the inside of the post and nut megged incoming Mar centre half Dicey.

It was the Greeks with the last of the paly as a consolation was gifted to the Olympic centre forward to earn him his brace. Consolation was all it was though. The Mar too good in a 5-2 win.

Rovers Too Good for Stop Out

Napier stepped it up another gear from last week as they travelled to Stop Out.

There are only so many phrases to describe a battling Stop Out performance that ended in an inevitable and considerable loss.

Bright side to this one was Stop Out getting on the scoreboard twice through Fisum Aden. Otherwise it was more of the same from them at the Raceway.

Napier will become increasingly competitive this season as returning players fit into the mix.

Stop Out won't.



And now for this weekend�



A three day weekend this weekend sees lots of football to keep Park Life busy!

Friday Fun Times

Park Life has always been partial to women, so this week we're opening with a round of the Uncle Toby's Cup.

The Hutt girls swap Ugg Boots for Uhlsports this weekend when they host Seatoun. Seatoun's girls dominate in Wellington girls' football circles (or so we're told) and we see them winning this, but not before the Waiwhetu Wonderwomen give them a fright.

If that doesn't turn you on then perhaps a trip to Naenae to watch Marius Lacatus, Liverpool1, I Love Pancakes and a handful of other Fever faithful will. The big game of the day (Naenae vs BNU) kicks off at Naenae at 2.30. Don't forget to lock your car.

Saturday Slapstick

This weekend's Central League match-ups have some mouthwatering prospects.
First up dirty Stop Out v the Olympic bell ringers. With Stop Out missing four players due to injury, and another two away, expect the bell end to be frequently shaken as the blue and white tear apart the Stop Out stop-gap youngsters.

A confident Oranje take on Fozzies' Petone on Saturday. Fozzie is no muppet and he will have his team well drilled for their visit to Newtown. Expect a tight game. Petone to pip this one though.

In the game of the round, Lower Hutt travel to Wilsonville to play Wests. Expect a thrilling match with plenty of skill and trickery (and that's just Van Hattum). Who knows what NZFC players will turn out for either team?

In the other local match, the Mar host the tractor boys of Team Taranaki.

If the Mar don't take the points here then Park Life's name is Lonegunman.

Look out for Chris from Family Guy look-a-like Jeremy Brockie making some mazy runs, a possible return of Beetlejuice-Joe Cole cross-between PJ Lupi, and G (the little one) shouting a lot.

As if that wasn't enough, over the hill on Sunday, all hell is breaking loose as 'Rapa play Island Bay in the Champs Premier League. Look out for Fijians with cash falling from their pockets turning up all over the place.

Sunday Shenanigans

The lure of a big Cup upset intrigues us all and this Sunday sees the start of the highlight of NZ winter football: the 'Not Good Enough For The NZFC' Cup.

Looking to start a giant killing run this round are glamour sides like Naenae Sudan, Douglas Villa, Wellington College and Waikanae.

We're looking at the draw and thinking that the all Capital One clashes are the ones to watch.

Kelburn Park sees the University (backing up from a big night of Pub-crawling and couch burning) play host to the boys from Alex Moore Wembley (North Wellington) and the perpetually-keeperless Brooklyn Somalia taking on the boys with the Banjos (Wainui) at windswept Wakefield Park.

Our pics: North Wellington to be too good for a hungover bunch of students. Banjos to beat Somalians and in the other games: the College Kids to beat Seatoun by a few, Stokes Valley to trump Waikanae, Naenae to shade Douglas Villa (and see the best name in the comp go out early) and Masterton to prove there is more to Wairarapa football than exotic foreigners by beating an Eastbourne side who will be eager to get to the wineries before they close.

And that's it for a belated, below-par, short-week, blame-spreading Park Life.

Bring on the weekend!


Park Life

From Taranaki Daily News:

Taranaki failed to fire against Western Suburbs in New Plymouth, crashing to a 3-0 defeat in its third match in the Central Football League.

"We'll have to fire on all four cylinders to get anything from the game against Miramar," said Team Taranaki coach James Graham yesterday. "Not like last week, when we only fired on two, maybe even one. The boys were very disappointed with their effort but have put it behind them."

Graham said his players were keen to put things right against Miramar.

"We know it won't be easy. Individually, they've got some very talented players. But we'll be trying. The guys have trained well this week."

TEAM TARANAKI: Mike Reive, Jared McElhannan, Ritchie Burkitt, Andrew Thomson, Tyson Brandt, John Sigurdsson, Matt Sigurdsson, Nick Betteridge, James Greive (captain), Scott Smith, Karl Dolan, Brad Hicking, Nick Rush, Stephen Kibby, Matthew Kelbrick.

to be fair Park Life picked those CL results. And in a humorous fashion too..