New members
Hometown: Newlands Wellington
Relationship status: as often as possible.
Children: not before breakfast.
Worklife: punishing.
Pets: mountain gorilla called Timothy.
Car: souped up big bore, horse & cart.
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layeroff(getlayer('qa_car'))} My
buttocks have appeared on the
�Fair
Go� show and on
Outrageous Fortune as a tramp, killed by Pascal because he
didn�t ring her in the
morning. My peach like buttocks have appeared in such blockbusters
as "The cars that ate Paris" "Snow White does Rotorua, Skegness and
Dunedin!" and my finest hour as Burt
Lancaster�s chin in From
Here to Eternity with the beach scene involving Deborah Kerr as my
tour de force which propelled me into the North Fuji Thespians, an
act for which my father disowned me, calling me a lesbian and
cutting me off from my inheritance.
My academic career spans such exotic locations such as Barnehurst
primary school until after my 11 plus
(the size of my ***** & at such a
tender age) I was transported Bexleyheath Secondary High School
I am currently gainfully employed as a paper weight in a large
office on the 2nd floor Sir Helen Clarks office. I am anti nipple
piercing and would one day like to own a ferret or a weta named
Metcalf, after the newsreader.
Mrs Smiths breasts encased in Mohair
endeared me to Scripture Union and I forget how many pencils I
dropped trying to look up her dress. One day I hope to be a door
stop, or maybe learn to mimic parrots in the wild. I am not well,
and yet I am content with my lot.
I think I have
Alzheimer�s, but to be
honest I can�t remember,
I am currently trying to contact Susan Toetickler, who traumatised
me as a child by pulling my trousers down in the basement of her
sweet shop on Crayford Road, this act will possibly end in
litigation. If any one has photographs of this incident please do
not sell them to the News of the World, the shock could kill my
elderly grandmother even though she lives in Tokyo, and is totally
blind and cannot hear, but if she gets a whiff of this, there goes
another inheritance.
If Mr Collins reads this, I owe my success, verve, confidence and
unshakeable faith in classic literature to you and your
tie�s get some
therapy.
I left school in 1971 and worked at Vickers Crayford, but after
redundancy progressed to working at GEC Erith where Andy Smith, me
and an odd bloke with curly hair (Tony) smoked weed every day and
did bugger all work. I left in 1977 to become a celebrity grave
digger. I've buried the greats such as Lord Lucan; a contract job
paid in advance, Ronald Reagan who I think may have still been
breathing but his family asked me to proceed with great haste, Lord
Lucan again after he turned up in Naples wearing his
sister�s underwear, and
so on ad infinitum. I am now studying to be a cabbage, and have
actually got up to 200 dollars, on who wants to be millionaire at
home, with a very large dictionary and amphetamines because I read
so slowly.
My only claim to fame is that along with Tom Thwate we penned the
now famous fart poem that appears on the video called in bed with
Madonna, "A fart is a volcanic eruption it comes from the mountain
of bum, it reverberates down your trouser legs and makes a musical
hum, A fart is a friendly gesture, it sets the mind at ease, it
warms the bed in winter time and suffocates the fleas... etc etc"
God knows how Madonna got hold of it, Tom and I wrote it in 1985
sitting out the front of our tent at the Bali Hyatt caravan park in
Whitstable, but there you go life is stranger than friction
init?
One day I will be famous, and you can say I knew him; he was a
great relocated Millwall
supporter.
Please
don�t judge me, I am
getting help!
yes