Tell Us About Yourself
My academic career spans such exotic locations such as Barnehurst primary school until after my 11 plus (the size of my ***** & at such a tender age) I was transported Bexleyheath Secondary High School
I am currently gainfully employed as a paper weight in a large office on the 2nd floor Sir Helen Clarks office. I am anti nipple piercing and would one day like to own a ferret or a weta named Metcalf, after the newsreader.
Mrs Smiths breasts encased in Mohair endeared me to
Scripture Union and I forget how many pencils I dropped trying to
look up her dress. One day I hope to be a door stop, or maybe learn
to mimic parrots in the wild. I am not well, and yet I am content
with my lot.
I think I have
Alzheimer�s, but to be
honest I can�t remember,
I am currently trying to contact Susan Toetickler, who traumatised
me as a child by pulling my trousers down in the basement of her
sweet shop on Crayford Road, this act will possibly end in
litigation. If any one has photographs of this incident please do
not sell them to the News of the World, the shock could kill my
elderly grandmother even though she lives in Tokyo, and is totally
blind and cannot hear, but if she gets a whiff of this, there goes
another inheritance.
If Mr Collins reads this, I owe my success, verve, confidence and
unshakeable faith in classic literature to you and your
tie�s get some
therapy.
I left school in 1971 and worked at Vickers Crayford, but after
redundancy progressed to working at GEC Erith where Andy Smith, me
and an odd bloke with curly hair (Tony) smoked weed every day and
did bugger all work. I left in 1977 to become a celebrity grave
digger. I've buried the greats such as Lord Lucan; a contract job
paid in advance, Ronald Reagan who I think may have still been
breathing but his family asked me to proceed with great haste, Lord
Lucan again after he turned up in Naples wearing his
sister�s underwear, and
so on ad infinitum. I am now studying to be a cabbage, and have
actually got up to 200 dollars, on who wants to be millionaire at
home, with a very large dictionary and amphetamines because I read
so slowly.
My only claim to fame is that along with Tom Thwate we penned the
now famous fart poem that appears on the video called in bed with
Madonna, "A fart is a volcanic eruption it comes from the mountain
of bum, it reverberates down your trouser legs and makes a musical
hum, A fart is a friendly gesture, it sets the mind at ease, it
warms the bed in winter time and suffocates the fleas... etc etc"
God knows how Madonna got hold of it, Tom and I wrote it in 1985
sitting out the front of our tent at the Bali Hyatt caravan park in
Whitstable, but there you go life is stranger than friction
init?
One day I will be famous, and you can say I knew him; he was a
great relocated Millwall
supporter.
Please don�t
judge me, I am getting help!
A fantastic place, where, if enough strange people gather together in the one place, they can all consider themselves normal.
One out of four people in this country is mentally unbalanced. Think of your three closest friends... If they seem okay - then you're the one
:D