Avram Grant- eloquence personified

 

Chelsea manager Avram Grant produced a bizarre performance at the post-match press conference following the 1-0 victory over Everton on Thursday night.

It also follows the Premier League's decision to allow the match to be brought forward to Thursday for live TV coverage, forcing Chelsea to play twice in the space of 72 hours.

What follows is a full transcription from ESPNsoccernet's Richard Jolly...

A deserved win Avram?
Grant said: 'Yes.'

What particularly pleased you about the performance?
'I'm pleased.'

What in particular pleased you?
After an eight second delay: 'I don't know.'

� Click here to read Richard Jolly's view from the press box

Is it a relief to win here?
'Yes.'

You seem lost for words by the performance. Are you more satisfied with the performance or the victory?
'Both.'

You seem distracted. Do you have a problem?
'No problem.'

Is there an issue?
'No. I'm ok. I have nothing to say.'

Do you have a message for the Chelsea fans?
'You represent the Chelsea fans?'

They must believe you are still in the title race, do you have a message for them?
'No message.'

Does this result mean you are back in it now?
'I don't know.'

How many steps have you climbed to undertake this press conference?
'I don't know.'

You seem less voluble than usual. Is it because of Sky TV moving the game to a Thursday?
'Maybe it's because of you. I don't know. I am ok.'

You are saying that you don't know if you are still in the title race?
'No.' Is it easier to say nothing Avram?
'I don't what to answer. It is a good question. I don't know what to answer.'

Is this because of Sky?
'No. Sky is ok. I enjoy watching them.'

Is it a protest against newspapers?
'No. Why?'

Why else would you come in and refuse to answer our questions?
'I answer every question.'

You are two points behind Manchester United and you don't know if you are still in the title race?
'No.'

Have you told the players that you don't know if you are back in the title race?
'What I tell the players is something else. You want me to tell you what I say to the players?'

We just want you to answer the question really. Are you in the title race?
'I don't know.'

Would you not like to gain some positive publicity for the result rather than this bizarre silence?
'I'm sorry. You can write whatever you want and I can answer what I want.'

Do you feel under pressure to deliver a trophy. Is that the reason for the monosyllabic answers?
'No.'

Are you upset? Do you feel you have been misrepresented?
'Maybe I have said because it is a bad season.'

Did Michael Essien faint?
'He had some problems, but he is ok.'

Michael Ballack?
'Injured.'

What's his problem?
'Ask the doctor.'

He's not here Avram.
'Well call him then.'

Have you ever played the yes/no game Avram?
.....

I agree T Jam, i thought Steve Coppel was fairly morbid but he's well out-classed by Grant

 

a relegation battle wopuld surely finish the guy off

 

 

"you've got the saddest manager in the league

you've got the saddest manager in the league

you've got the saddest manager in the league

the sadddest manager in the league"

 

 

Reporter; so Steve, does the England manager's job interest you?

Coppell; Actually, I think Duncan Fletcher is doing a reasonable job...

 

Or words to that effect.

Avram Grant, on the other hand, is about as funny as a burning orphanage.

Yes, Strachan's a legend:

 

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

Reporter: Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what area do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What area? Mainly that big green one out there...

Strachan was on Sky on Sunday morning. He saw John Terry's goal and said he was impressed that Terry goes up expecting to score. He contrasted this to Claus Lundekvam the Saints central defender who goes up for every dead ball and never ever looks remotely like scoring. He said if there was a dead body lying in the penalty area the ball would hit it on the head several times a season which he said is more than Lundekvam can manage. He said referees should book Lundekvam for timewasting every time he goes up for a corner. When the co-commentator said if Lundekvam was watching Strachan was only joking. Strachan assured him he was deadly serious.

 

 

 

Strachan is a class act to interview. Ask a stupid question and he'll give you a stupid answer.

 Excellent likeness LG. Only their mother could tell them apart.

Edit : Fixed the quote tags : HN