Laws left to rue lack of syllables

After his team�s disappointing 2-1 defeat against Sunderland, embattled Burnley boss Brian Laws has admitted his players are suffering from a chronic syllable shortage in comparison to their relegation rivals.

�We have very limited resources at this club compared to the rest of the Premier League�, said the two-time League One Manager Of The Month. �Robbie Blake puts in a fine shift up front, and I can�t ask for a more committed back four than Tyrone Mears, Michael Duff, Leon Cort and Danny Fox, but none of them have more than three syllables apiece. We�re lacking movement around the tonsils and the alveolar ridge.�

But the 48-year old tactician, who came under fire earlier this season for claiming that Jay Rodriguez had five syllables in his surname when he obviously has only four, did not exempt himself from blame. �In January we asked Chelsea to lend us one of their spare players, and I assumed we�d get some bumfluffed French kiddywink with seven or eight syllables and maybe a hyphen, but unfortunately we ended up with Jack Cork.�

�It�s fine for some of the teams around us�, continued Laws, who increasingly resembles a low-ranking mafia jamook. �West Ham have Alessandro Diamanti. Hull have Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink, who is easily worth two names all by himself. Sunderland today could afford to leave Benjani Mwaruwari on the bench. If I didn�t have Graham Alexander to call upon we�d be in even bigger trouble.�

No manager with fewer than four syllables in their name has won the league since Brian Clough in 1978. Three two-syllable bosses, Paul Hart, Mark Hughes and Phil Brown, have all been relieved of their managerial duties this season.

Sunderland coach Stephen Bruce was not available for comment.