Aussie v India

NEW RULES by ICC for the teams visiting Australia: 2008 - To be
 implemented with immediate effect

 (1) Ricky Ponting (THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE CRICKET ERA AND
 WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED) should be considered as the FOURTH
 UMPIRE. As per the new rules, FOURTH UMPIRE decision is final and will
 over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can
 seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. This
 rule is to be made, so that every team should understand the importance of
 the FOURTH UMPIRE.

 (2) While AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to
 the AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN 5 metre distance), the batsman is to be
 considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or
 grassed. Any decision for further clarification should be sought from the
 FOURTH UMPIRE. This is made to ensure that the cricket is played with
 SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.

 (3) While BATTING, AUSTRALIAN players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE
 decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might
 not have touched the bat). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out FOUR
 TIMES (minimum) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE
 CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

 (4) UMPIRES should consider a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a
 century. Any wrong decisions can be ignored as they will be paid huge
 bonuses and will receive the backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.

 (5) All AUSTRALIAN players are eligible to keep commenting about all
 players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they
 will be spoiling the spirit of the AUSTRALIAN team. Any comments made in
 any other language are to be considered as RACISM only.

 (6) MATCH REFEREE decisions will be taken purely on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM
 advice only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be
 considered for hearing. MATCH REFEREES are to be given a huge bonus if
 this rule is implemented.

 (7) NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure
 that the sportive spirit of CRICKET is maintained.

 (8) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - THE
 UNDISPUTED CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY IN THE GAME OF CRICKET more than twice
 in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to
 ensure that the best batsman/Captain can play  to break records and create
 history in the game of CRICKET.

 These rules will clarify better to all the teams VISITING AUSTRALIA.