When I was 3 years old, I went to Wales with my family. As good kiwi kids did (and possibly still do) we all ran around in bare feet, which greatly upset my grandmother - not wearing shoes was a sign of poverty, and although no one had any money in this tiny village in North Wales, no one wanted to be associated with that. About 6 months after we came back to NZ, the family all went to watch my older brother play football. I am not sure where it was (we were living in Plimmerton, so probably somewhere in that vicinity) but the car park was at the top of a grass bank that I went hurtling down as soon as the car stopped. Problem was that there was a broken coke bottle about halfway down the bank, that I managed to stand on. It went straight through the middle toe on the right foot, that ended up hanging off by a tiny thread of skin, and caused a massive amount of blood to be spilt. I ended up in hospital for 8 days.
The thing that pisses me off the most was that I was scared the whole time I was in hospital but I fell for the same trick every night - when my parents went to leave I would get upset and start crying. Fudge you, I was 4 years old. As I would start to get upset, my parents would tell me that they weren't leaving, they were just going to get an ice cream for me. About half an hour after they had gone, I would realise that they weren't coming back with ice cream for me, and I was on my own for the night. Then I would have a massive meltdown that the nurses would have to deal with (well played parents, you clever bastards).
Upshot is/was that I have 9 normal toes and a mangled mess in the middle of my right foot - I believe that is the main reason that I can only use my left peg on a football pitch. Also, my dad had to ring my grandmother in north Wales and explain to her that her youngest grandson had just lost a toe after he was running around with no shoes on.
TL;DR - I've only got 9 toes, bitches.
All I do is make the stuff I would've liked
Reference things I wanna watch, reference girls I wanna bite
Now I'm firefly like a burning kite
And yousa fake fuck like a fleshlight
