Fever top tips

#26. Partners of annoyed Nix fans: Hide any sharp objects tonight and avoid talking about the football.  Also now would not be a good time to spring the surprise trip to Sydney for your anniversary/birthday/holiday.

#27 - Wellingtonians, Get relief from constipation by running around the pitch for 90 mins at Westpac Stadium.

#28 When carrying a 3m flag pole down Lambton Quay, try not to make contact with the bus lines above.

#29: Phoenix training drill:

and

Practice until the first one hits the second one.

#30 - Constipated Mathematicians - use a pencil to work it out!

#31 - Wellington City Council:  you missed a couple. ..

#32 - Middle Aged Feverites. Prior to heading off on a Yellow Fever Away trip, have the liver from a 22 year old transplanted into your body. Your recovery time will then be greatly reduced from the current 3-4 days!

#34 - Johnny foreigner not quite understanding you when you speak plain English?  Try SPEAKING LOUDER!  After three or four times they usually get the idea.

Oi! I put #33 in the Nixie puppet thread.

#35: Placing top tips in one thread avoids numbering confusion.

#46: Most of the time

#36: Paul Ifill - I have already renewed my membership but for the record my phone number is 0800 im-all-yours.

#37 Especially for Fortean Times - Avoid getting a sore arse when cycling around Lake Taupo, by simply placing a naan bread over your saddle. This will comfort your ride and when you return to your hotel, hey presto! A warm snack.

#38: Ange and A-League All Stars - next time bl**dy well pass to Ifill.  He was the only one out of all you lot who consistently held on to the ball and could switch play with some intelligent passing.

#39: Avoid seasonal hayfever and the bastard runny nose by chopping down all flowering plants and concreting everything. This will also accelerate global warming which means cheaper winter power bills.

#40: Feverites; tired of getting to the end of the loaf only to find that you only have one slice left for your toaster? Simply take out the top slice when you buy it and put it in the food bank bin at the check out.

Not only will you now have a fully utilised toaster, but someone less fortunate also has something to go with their soup.

42: if you are going to whinge about paying $5 for an app, do it with gusto. Nothing screams 'tight ass' louder than a prick whinging over $5

#43:

#44:  Feverites - bought too many lettuces or other perishable produce because you have taken an advertisement too literally?  Simply buy a vacuum sealing unit and a larger fridge and hey presto! Fresh lettuce on Christmas day.

If you have bought more than lettuce you could consider a vacuum freeze-dryer and rehydrating unit.

I saw an ad for Briscoes at 11pm last night that had them on special, apparently you have to rush down straight away to get the deal though. So watch out for that. 

Don't ever say anything bad about Caravella on Twitter, it hurts his missus' feelings.

Wow. What a stupid bitch

When will these people learn to get their missus' to shut the fuck up and not fight their battles for them. Makes them look like absolutely soft pussies. 

Facepalm. 

Lol what an exchange.

Well it's obvious isn't it.... Silly first name syndrome

http://www.yellowfever.co.nz/posts/945087

#47: Ordered a shirt that is a size too big for you? Simply put it into the washing machine and set the temperature to high and wash. Try it on and if still too big, repeat until it is the right size.

Alternatively buy a large supply of fizzy and pies and consume until the shirt fits (this takes a bit longer).

Thanks to FT posting on the biscuit thread I found this:

#48:

Something similar would actually be a laugh for a fever shirt. 

Which one the Ladies version?

I actually agree I reckon it would be a good idea.

TBH I can't really picture News in the ladies version.

#50: Always frustrated when you get to the end of the cheese block and can't get that last slice so end up with a thick slab?  Simply unwrap the whole block when new and cut a slice off the end.  Then wrap it and the rest of the block back up and start slicing from the other end. When you finally get to the end, hey presto!  Your last slice is waiting for you and of a useable thickness.