Little Johnny - Ooooppsss!

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Proud to have attended the first 175 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games !!

The Ruf, The Ruf, The Ruf is on Fire!!

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Michael and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Michael's mom and dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Little Johnny, Michael's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Michael and Mary are up yet.

She replies, 'No'. Little Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school!' Little Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom,

'Are Michael and Mary up yet?' She replies, 'No.'

Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school!'

After school, Little Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Michael and Mary up yet?'

His mom says, 'No.'

He asks, 'Do you know what I think?'

His mom replies, 'Ok, now tell me what you think?'

He says: 'Last night Michael came to my room for the Vaseline and I think..... I gave him my airplane glue instead.'

Proud to have attended the first 175 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games !!

The Ruf, The Ruf, The Ruf is on Fire!!

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Hahaha LG where do you find these anecdotes?

Three for me, and two for them.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

A friend in England sends me them to be honest.

Proud to have attended the first 175 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games !!

The Ruf, The Ruf, The Ruf is on Fire!!

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

classic, nice work LG

Queenslander 3x a year.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Buffon II wrote:

Hahaha LG where do you find these anecdotes?

The airplane glue is "first hand" experience

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Rather glue and be stuck in there than Vicks Vapo Rub - Nope, havent done that one either. Was not me Mr Watson!

Proud to have attended the first 175 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games !!

The Ruf, The Ruf, The Ruf is on Fire!!

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

I got toothpaste on my knob once years ago (don't ask) and it was f**king excrutiating, total and utter agony for a good five minutes.

And BTW, how many people actually know a kid called Little Johnny? So how come he's in nearly every joke?

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Aren't kids these days more likely to be called Joshua, Cameron or Hannah?

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

TheJam wrote:

Aren't kids these days more likely to be called Joshua, Cameron or Hannah?

Or Knox or Apple?

Three for me, and two for them.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

I'm a teacher and here are some of the best boy's first names I've encountered over the last few years;

Miracle, Chrysler, Caspian, Ichabod, Coyley (pronounced like an Aussie saying Kylie), and, the best for last, Cyril. I kid you not, someone under the age of 70 called Cyril. In fact he was only 11.

These people must be stopped.

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

haha, I know some one called stryle

ive got a song that wont take long, Adelaide are rubbish.. the second verse is same as the first.. ADELAIDE ARE RUBBISH

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

I know someone called Tosswell.

Three for me, and two for them.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Buffon II wrote:

I know someone called Tosswell.

ive got a song that wont take long, Adelaide are rubbish.. the second verse is same as the first.. ADELAIDE ARE RUBBISH

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

TheJam wrote:

I got toothpaste on my knob once years ago (don't ask)

No, I feel I need to ask........

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Given the size of my genitalia it was quite a good shot.

It was all quite innocent really, I was naked and about to brush my teeth when a glob of Colgate dripped from the tube onto my purple fireman's helmet. Just typing this brings tears to my eyes and a twitch to my groin...

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

liverpoolfan1 wrote:

TheJam wrote:

I got toothpaste on my knob once years ago (don't ask)

ï¿½

No, I feel I need to ask........

I really hope he doesn't reply to this post...

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Too late. At least now I know not to brush my teeth naked.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

I knew of a guy in the states whose first name was Monkeytron (I might have mentioned this before, I always come back to it, it's my favourite name ever).

Apparently it's an olde English name that's pronounced Mun - keytrin.

But what a great name. Monkeytron, the perfect amalgam of primate and technology.

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

classic

-thread of the week in my view,

perhaps for the public good theJam could front one of those excrutiating public safety ads

the ones that start off all ok and end in tragedy

(on a different note - and tenuosly linking to a different thread) i wonder if there's any danger that the action of said toothpaste will mean that the forthcoming nipper will have red and white striped hair)

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Other great kids names? Prince 1 & Prince 2 - Wacko Jacko's. We should not be so surprised. So jam after you brushed your teeth, did you brush anyone elses??

Proud to have attended the first 175 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games !!

The Ruf, The Ruf, The Ruf is on Fire!!

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

LG once again you have provided the trump cards of threads, total quality.....

Queenslander 3x a year.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

tigers wrote:

classic

-thread of the week in my view,

perhaps for the public good theJam could front one of those excrutiating public safety ads

the ones that start off all ok and end in tragedy

Hell yeah, I could pass it off as a Leyton Orient fan from day one. Bring on Colgate Walker.

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

i use toothpaste to clean my knob all the time - keeps it minty fresh for the missus

I like tautologies because I like them.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

TheJam wrote:

Given the size of my genitalia it was quite a good shot.

i hope i never meet you....cos you know what i'll be thinking!!!!

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Cosimo wrote:

i use toothpaste to clean my knob all the time - keeps it minty fresh for the missus

Do you draw the line at flossing?

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Cosimo wrote:

i use toothpaste to clean my knob all the time - keeps it minty fresh for the missus

Too much information??

Proud to have attended the first 175 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games !!

The Ruf, The Ruf, The Ruf is on Fire!!

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

kiwi pie wrote:

Cosimo wrote:

i use toothpaste to clean my knob all the time - keeps it minty fresh for the missus

Do you draw the line at flossing?

that's her gift to me

I like tautologies because I like them.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Abandons thread for fear of female retaliation........

Proud to have attended the first 175 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games !!

The Ruf, The Ruf, The Ruf is on Fire!!

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Lonegunmen wrote:

Cosimo wrote:

i use toothpaste to clean my knob all the time - keeps it minty fresh for the missus

Too much information??

Too much inflamation, as well.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

I really don't wanna talk about it.

Circumcision is a rip-off.

Sorry, that's a sore point.

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

TheJam wrote:

I really don't wanna talk about it.

Circumcision is a rip-off.

Sorry, that's a sore point.

Bah, it's no skin off my nose.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, the pain, the pain (he said sounding like the midget from Fantasy Island)........

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

hear about what happened to the circumcision doctor that missed? he got the sack...
Cosimo2008-07-17 07:03:56

I like tautologies because I like them.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Hear about the constipated mathematician?

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

He worked it out with a pencil.

Nix, Leyton Orient and Alloa Athletic supporting schmuck.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

A jewish friend of mine told me about a moyle (kosher doctor who performs cirumcisions) in NY who kept the foreskins and stitched them into a wallet.

Apparently he'd rub it and it woudl become a purse.

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

Went to the toilet once after chopping chillies - big mistake

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over 17 years ago · edited over 13 years ago

s2art wrote:

Went to the toilet once after chopping chillies - big mistake

Now that made my eyes water just thinking about it.

Proud to have attended the first 175 Consecutive "Home" Wellington Phoenix "A League" Games !!

The Ruf, The Ruf, The Ruf is on Fire!!

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