terminator's Xcellent marketing plan

terminator's Xcellent marketing plan

As everybody down at Phoenix HQ is probably really busy at the moment I thought I would offer some free marketing advice to help keep things moving along.

Xcellent marketing idea number one:

Have a man dressed as a giant phoenix and wearing a jet pack fly around above the stadium during games throwing sweets to children and beaming aerial pictures from a helmet camera back to the big screen.

Xcellent marketing idea number two:

Have the Phoenix players run onto the pitch from between the legs of a giant cardboard cut-out of Terry Serepisos as if they are being born (or re-born) from his man-womb.

Xcellent marketing idea number three:

Put half an ecstacy tablet in each of the water bottles of the stadium security so they might chill the f**k out and maybe even get a little bit funky (but don't waste a whole tablet on those f**kers).

Xcellent marketing idea number four:

f**k it, why not put ecstacy in the water bottles of all the players too. I'd pay to see that.

Xcellent marketing idea number five:

Each week pay millions to a band to re-form and play a half-time show thereby guaranteeing a sell-out. Start with The Stone Roses, The Smiths and The Specials and take it from there.

Xcellent marketing idea number six:

Get a sponsorship deal with KFC 'cause they are also in the roasted bird business (synergy baby, synergy).

Xcellent marketing idea number seven:

On the same theme hand out a live chicken and a lighter to every Phoenix fan on the way into every game.

Xcellent marketing idea number eight:

Don't sell Lion Red.

Xcellent marketing idea number nine:

Do sell flares and fireworks.

Xcellent marketing idea number ten:

If the crowd is ever over say, 15,000, just lock the gates and keep them in the stadium until next week. After about 5 days the New-Orleans-Superdome-during-Hurricane-Katrina conditions should start to turn the crowd feral and create a really intimidating atmosphere for visiting teams.


Please add to this list, it's important we give the team at Phoenix HQ all the help we can.

Why not just book the Th'Dudes and be done with it. What other marketing plan would you need?

Actually, ideas 6 and 8 are pretty good!

Xcellent marketing idea number eleven

Free beer

well, if you do any marketing at all you've done better than Sydney does I can tell you.

handing out chickens and lighters sounds good - flaming chickens all to be waved above the head in unison ......