For those not on the Canty Football Transfer News Facebook page, check out this gold posted last night:
2023 Southern League Season Preview
The long awaited return of the Southern League is finally here, the competition where 10 teams battle it out to find out how far back 8 of them will finish from Christchurch United and Cashmere Technical. However with harsh new restrictions in place regarding player payments, perhaps this season will be more competitive…or maybe those two clubs will just continue overpaying players to coach u12’s.
Sincerest apologies to all Dunedin clubs involved but you all live too far south for anyone to really care. So in no particular order, apart from the worst teams being put first, here is the 2023 season preview.
FC Twenty 11
FC join the big leagues and have pinned all their hopes on their biggest off-season recruit, Kane Kilbride. After an entire career in the doldrums of the CCL, the Kane Train is all fuelled up at the station and ready to steer this team backwards at a great rate of knots, straight back into the qualifying league.
Key Gains : Kane Kilbride, Harri Rowe
Key Losses : Connor Clarke, Harrison Bowman
Selwyn
Has the shine worn off the Stallions coat? After the magical run to the National League from 2 seasons ago, last year was a return to status quo for the hicks from out in the wild wild west. Unfortunately the only fax machine in Rolleston is down so there is very little information coming in and out of there.
Key Gains : Tom Parker
Key Losses :
Nomads
After a promising start to the Pitman era, the axe has been swung after multiple seasons of mediocrity and in his place they have promoted Matt Jansen. Some say that Jansen is just a ventriloquist dummy still controlled by Pitman’s arm, but he has an immediate chance to disprove this theory with players that he has personally groomed over the last several years forming the bulk of this years Southern League squad.
Key Gains : Luke Pritchard
Key Losses : Andy Pitman, Daniel Thoms, Caleb Cottam
Coastal Spirit
Coastal have brought back Robbie Stanton to the helm, who with him has managed to pilfer a multitude of talent from Western, a club who sorely lacked any talent to begin with. With these new found weapons Closetal Spirit should be Spirited way way way Away from National League qualification.
Key Gains : Omar Cameron, Joe Hoole, Wiari Rusbridge
Key Losses : Michael Hogan, Luke Pritchard
Ferrymead Bays
Alan Walker has determined that the quickest way to become competitive with the upper echelon is to sign several of Tech’s former players who were all considered not good enough by Tech. No one typifies this more than the signing of Danny Boys. Too old, slow and tired and definitely well past his used by date, Boys’ fingers and toes are beginning to curdle like off milk, yet he is still Bays biggest asset, which really shows how far away the chasing pack actually is.
Key Gains : Danny Boys, Daniel Thoms
Key Losses : Ryan Stanley, Louie Bush
Nelson Suburbs
Out of the Canterbury media spotlight Nelson have gone about their business quietly but surely. Loading up on imports and praying that their big guns will get over their travel sickness and make more away games this year.
News doesn’t travel this far for any names unfortunately.
Cashmere Technical
Having been dethroned last year Cashmere will be out for revenge. There have been reports of inner turmoil in the camp, however these were only reported by the Russian media. In a real statement of intent they have named their enforcer, Andrew Storer, as their captain for the upcoming season. But Tech’s real smoking gun comes in the form of Canterbury Football’s forgotten golden child, Ash Wellbourn. Will there be enough cartilage holding his legs together to make a meaningful contribution? Never fear, more overseas imports are here.
Key Gains : Caleb Cottam, overseas imports x3
Key Losses : Danny Boys
Christchurch United
Armed to the teeth with a new assortment of hired mercenaries, the defending champions look hard to beat. It really is incredible the calibre of players they’ve been able to attract to the club when they’re handicapped by NZ Football only being able to offer $150 in remuneration a week. They have lost their talisman and leading goal scorer Eddie Wilkinson, but he has been replaced by Brian O’Driscoll, who after recovering from the cheap shot he received last time on these shores has transitioned into Aaron, a middle aged feminist. Abdul Khalifa and Haris Zeb return to Canterbury football and Cameron Lindsay, a one time All White, makes the move to Christchurch purely for his love of the game.
Key Gains : Aaron O’Driscoll, Eoghan Stokes, Haris Zeb, Abdul Khalifa, Sam Philip, Cameron Lindsay
Key Losses : Eddie Wilkinson, Mika Rabuka
