Park Life: 2008

Park Life is the Fever's tardy Tuesday Thursday rant on the local football scene. This week we review a weekend of Big Travel League in which a man actually died. Honest!

Bell Park Witnesses Title Knockdown Fight

It's official. Petone won the game and the fight at Bell Park this weekend with the team overcoming cross-town rivals Lower Hutt 2-1 (goals to John Winkworth and David Lane) and Neil Barclay overcoming Wayne Rooker with a rain of jabs to the head.

Petone are making a bit of a habit of fighting lately. We use the word 'fighting' loosely of course. In the last two weeks serial nice-guys and all round football superhero family members Barry and Mike Pickering got into a scrap at Wellington United and now Neil Barclay � who Park Life's man in the stand described as 'wholesome' which we presume is meant as a compliment � dispatches Wayno.

It seems the done thing at this point would be to mount Park Life's ready-and-waiting steed Moral Highground and decry such behaviour as a scourge on the game.

But truth be told it gives us all something to talk about.

None of those involved either week were what you'd refer to as loony fighting types. So while we agree that the ball boys and mothers don't really fancy it we think everyone should calm themselves.

On to the match then and up to Fight Time at about 20 minutes it was all even. Petone playing a pressing game and looking to hound mistakes out of their more glamorous neighbours.

The conditions weren't helpful with an unsettling wind making play difficult despite the reasonable surface.

And then Slugger and Jabber had their flare up, followed by a 22 man melee.

Which was exactly what Petone needed.

While Hutt's stars whinged and moaned about the decision making, the weather, the quality of sausages and the price of petrol Petone set to their work and found two quick goals � the first from a free kick, the second from a corner, and both being tapped in after goalmouth scrambles.

Half time rolled on in and Brendan McIntyre got out his hairdryer to give the lads a dressing-room dressing-down.

Which must have worked because 5 minutes in Pedro 5 Goals nicked one to put the Hutt right back in it � his calm finish capping good build up play.

But that was all they could muster. Across the next 40 minutes Hutt dominated � despite having a wind in their faces � hitting the crossbar, the upright, and forcing some fine saves out of Jim Bannatyne.

It's worth pausing briefly to mention just how much Bannatyne adds to Petone this year. There really is a shortage of quality keepers in, well in the universe, but particularly in Wellington and having a 12 foot 8 inch tall man with a pair of aircraft wings screwed to his shoulders who is also a top notch keeper sure is handy for Petone.

Jim also works behind the scenes on Petone's committee and it's a credit to him that he's putting back into his club after a number of years away. Well done that man.

Anyway, he saved the day on a number of occasions for Petone and deserves his share of credit for the result.

Petone will be, rightly, chuffed and the return fixture in a few weeks' time will definitely be one to get to.

Man Dies of Boredom at Wests Miramar Clash

Sadly, readers, we have to bring you the news that one of Park Life's faithful correspondents was overcome by a combination of hypothermia and boredom at this clash.

A writer for one of Park Life's competitor missives told us recently that "the standard of Central League football has definitely declined in recent years" and if ever there was proof of that then this game was it.

We'll start with the good stuff. The pitch at Endeavour Park � in this case the old number one that became the number two but might now be the number one again we think � was in great nick. Probably the best ground in the league at the moment.

The pies were also warm.

The rest was disappointment.

Park Life was disappointed that Graham Mulvey's fantastic strike from fully 30 yards was denied by the woodwork just after 10 minutes. It would have been the best goal we have ever seen live.

Graham Mulvey himself was disappointed because he'd already started celebrating the best goal he ever didn't quite score.

Roddy Brown was disappointed because Nik Tromp � not a man widely known for his work rate � did a fantastic all day job marking him out of the game. Little Graham has shown faith in Tromp since he returned from his time as a Korean porn star but Tromp has repaid that faith and shown that his fitness and work ethic have, if anything, been enhanced by his Korean escapades.

Alongside him in the midfield Michael Eagar was disappointed that he looks like Napoleon Dynamite (who wouldn't be?) but will take solace in the fact that he was the standout midfielder in both teams on the day. Eagar will be confidently hoping for a trip to Beijing later this year and showed moments of class in an otherwise dire match.

Graham Little was perhaps the most disappointed when the Mar went behind to a goal that could have been prevented if both Jeremy Brockie and Chris Peck hadn't been half-frozen. John Rowe it was who poked it home at the back stick to give Wests a half time lead.

Tommy Smith with an I was disappointed when he was substituted at half time � but possibly not as disappointed as he was in his day at the office; he struggled to find a way into the game.

The half time break also marked the return to the Big Travel League of Jamie Farrington who was probably not disappointed not to be starting after spending last week on a 136 hour bender from which he apparently has still not quite recovered.

After the half everyone was slightly disappointed that the game was still going but were mildly titillated by the handful of z-list Wellington football celebrities who rocked up. Jacob Spoonley was there, so was the entire Wilson Triumvirate, Islander-loving Phil turned up to scout the Big Travel League for next year, and let's not forget the peoples' champion of football writing Frederick Woodcock.

Fred had turned up to chat to Brockie who was disappointed that his career had come to this low ebb but nonetheless showed that he's a cut above this level every time he got the ball.

That wasn't often though as possession changed hands again and again.

Showing more disappointment than anyone on the day was Matt Calcott when, just after the half time break, super-sub Rowe rose at the back post to nod in a corner and equalise.

It was Park Life's turn to be disappointed next when shouts of "lock it up" echoed around from the Miramar team. Clearly the Mar had turned up not to lose. Understandable but, well, disappointing because if the game was a bore before 'locking it up' was hardly likely to improve matters much.

That wasn't quite the end of it though. Taking advantage of the slight downhill slope towards the cricket nets Miramar found a period of dominance midway through the second half � forcing good saves from surprise-returner Phil Imray.

In truth though a draw was probably fair. Wests will have been pleased not to lose and the Mar will have been pleased to take their first point from Endeavour Park since the First World War.

Worthy of mention but not able to be shoehorned into Park Life's silly 'disappointment' gag was the performance of Craig Alderdice at centre half for the Mar. Alderdice is the stand out defender in the league by a mile at the moment and is the platform from which the Mar build a lot of their success. He had a busy day keeping Dan Ellensohn quiet but did it with little trouble. He also provided the best comedy of the day when he stood over a prone Ellensohn Jens Lehmann-styles and gave him a spray for what he thought was a dive.

Napier Shock Park Life with Comprehensive Spanking of United

Well Park Life didn't pick this one. A low-scoring dull affair we predicted and as it turned out we were again wrong.

Both teams lined up in 4-4-2 on a damp but not too squishy Newtown Park.

Napier were again sporting Perry Cotton at the back playing his millionth game for the Rovers which on the one hand is commendable but on the other is a bit frightening.

The ever-effective Peryman was missing from the United back four but otherwise they were the same side they always are. Indeed some might argue that the whole United back four went missing, but more on that later.

The early exchanges went the way of the Oranje. Trademark buildup play leading to a ball in orbit over the crossbar � something that was to become a feature of their day.

Rovers began to press as the half wore on though and created a few chances; hitting the bar.

United's other theme of the day began to be making mistakes in the midfield and Napier, with Franchise League players back, were good enough to capitalise. It didn't make for much of a spectacle though and the crowd of three men and a cage of monkeys were less than impressed.

The opening goal came in the 24th minute after a high ball wasn't cleared by United. Players queued up to have a hack at it and eventually Chris Davies latched a toe onto it and rolled it past an outstretched Oranje keeper.

Napier spent the rest of the half pressing and could have created another. United saved from a two nil deficit by the half time whistle.

It was only a brief break though as the second half began as the first had ended.

Napier hit the bar and post within seconds of the off and even the monkeys knew that it was only a matter of time.

United pushed forward trying to press Rovers back into their own half but that only gave the visitors space and Napier broke to give Stu Wlison a 1 on 3 which he took with real aplomb.

Wilson has been a goal machine lately and his vein of form has coincided with Rovers' revival in the Big Travel League.

United began to wrest back some control and come back into the game. They could have scored but again their finishing was wayward as they launched ball after ball into the stratosphere above the Zoo.

They kept pressing anyway which and a shot off the post gave Napier the chance to roll down the other end in the 90th minute and put the result beyond any doubt. Sam Messam with the goal.

United will feel slightly aggrieved that they lost 3-0 in a game in which they probably weren't 3 goals off the pace. Perryman will be making wage demands galore come transfer time.

Napier will be pleased with the result but perhaps more pleased with their 2-goal-a-game defending has finally been put to bed. Clean sheets a rarity in the Big Travel League these days and could have a big impact come the business end of the season.

Marist and Olympic bash out a draw

It would seem that Olympic's bubbles have burst earlier than anticipated this year as they drew 1-1 away with the Pope's Own Marist in Palmy.

Micky Malivuk continued his goal-a-game antics to keep himself second-equal on the golden boot charts but otherwise it wasn't a game of much note or excitement.

Not being able to afford the hazard pay necessary to get someone to Palmy to cover the game Park Life has not much to say about it except that Olympic clearly have an XI capable of footing it with the best in the Big Travel League.

Whether they have the temperament or the desire is, of course, the question everyone asks annually.

This will be a disappointing result for them but at least is not a loss after their brain explosion against Jeremy Brockie the other week.

It's still good enough to keep them second, just one point off the Mar, although they have the feel of a club who won't be able to sustain that through to the back end of the season.

Battle for the Bottom Cools Down

And with only a handful of rounds gone in the Big Travel League it seems the race for the bottom has already been won � Stop Out going down to Taranaki 2-1 in a game that will see teams travelling to the Naki for at least another season.

Stop Out have been a huge topic of discussion on the Fever Forums since this result with many questioning their approach to league in which player payments are the norm.

Park Life's trusty steed of moral judgement is still tethered nearby but again we resist the temptation to mount her. We think it's admirable of Stop Out to be thumbing their noses at big money demands for a tin pot league. However we'd also be sad to see that policy drive them back to the second tier. It's worth remembering that, while the Big Travel League might not be much, it's much more than the leagues below it. Park Life knows this well because we play in those low low leagues. Stop Out should trust us: they're sh*te.

And that's it from a cobbled-together, hurried, and fact-devoid Park Life. Join us on Thursday � or maybe Friday � for Here Comes the Weekend.

Park Life