Park Life: 2008

 

See you Tuesday.

 

Wasnt 6

It will be crunch time for the Oranje next week when they play the Naki who, as discussed, skyrocketed above them like a celebratory Olympic firework on Sunday.

The Greeks meanwhile put a nail in the coffin of Park Life's constant ho-humming and gloom-mongering about their prospects. They sit second behind the Mar and with Super Raf finally picking a club (nothing to do with money either we hear) they might have the stones to challenge for the title after all.

Lower Hutt Leave Napier with Tail Firmly Between Legs

Lower Hutt travelled to Napier on Saturday eager to collect some points and get their title ambitions back on track.

But it didn't happen.

Things did not start well for the visitors when they went one nil down after three minutes. A Napier counter-attack put Stu Wilson one on one with Hutt custodian Van Hattum and Wilson calmly slotted past the pink-wearing glove man to give Napier a very early lead.

Hutt's wheels weren't ready to fall off quite yet though. They looked dangerous throughout going forward but were wasteful with their final ball; giving in-form striker Pedro 5 Goals few opportunities.

At the back though they leaked like a sieve.

Defensively Hutt were not on top of their game, and they were punished again in the 25th minute when an impressive Sam Messam finished well after out-muscling Rodney Mayes to give Napier a two goal lead at the half.

Hutt made a better start to the second half, pulling one back after some good build up work from Admir Belicavic that allowed Pedro 5 Goals to find room on the edge of the box and chip the Blues' keeper.

The goal was Pedro's 9th of the season.

Napier continued to play the ball into Messam, with the lively Wilson working well off the Big Travel League's answer to Mark Viduka.

It was Messam who closed out the game in the 75th minute after Ginger Ronaldo Sam Blackburn got robbed in the midfield, Messam got put through, and then finished well from a tight angle.

3-1 the final score.

Hutt coach Brendan McIntyre will be looking at next week's Chatham Cup game to rebuild some confidence in his unit after two limp performances.

$tevie G Can't Save Stop Out

Before people fire up their PM machines to give us stick here we think $tevie G is a fantastic player. One of the best left backs around.

Perhaps not worth every penny Stop Out are reportedly paying him but we don't know for sure what that figure is.

What is for sure is that he played in the centre of midfield for Stop Out on Saturday and wasn't enough of a force to prevent another spanking from top of the table Mar.

Word on the street that Little G was seriously considering playing only Jeremy Brockie in this game may not have been too far wide of the mark but in the end there were some other players on the field even if they weren't really necessary.

Brockie will be claiming all four despite Stop Out's favourite goalscorer OG chipping in with one according to Capital Football.

Also on the extra-long fold-out scoresheet were Studious Tony Wall, Roving Centre Half Shane Medland and Floppy Haired Striking Substitute Dominic Rowe.

Rumour has it that Auckland City U23 player Joel Matthews is sniffing around a few clubs at present and while it seems that the Greeks are at the head of a big-cheque-writing queue to sign him he'd be a great acquisition for Stop Out.

The Mar will be looking forward to getting their U23 players involved after the Chatham Cup.

 

Young Cole Tinkler and Jacob Spoonley-Wilson emerge from their U23 camp after the Cup round to put on their Big Travel League boots for a few weeks.

Atrocious Refereeing Lets Wests Sneak Out of Petone with a Win

It was a comedy day at Petone Memorial as a New Zealand Youth Invitational XI lined up against Petone in front of an adolescent referee and small crowd.

While the public address system played the closing music from The Benny Hill Show the small crowd watched as the two teams and fresh faced ref ran around in cold slushy conditions.

The opening exchanges were exactly what you'd expect. Paul Whitmarsh and Ian Hogg put themselves about a bit and left imprints of their sponsored footwear on various bits of other people's bodies while Wests tried to knock it around and Petone played it quickly forward to tricky Richie McLea or wide to Dawson and Pickering.

At either end the two best keepers in the league by a mile watched and froze.

Until Imraaaay came out to collect a bouncer and somehow conspired to clatter a bored-looking Tim Schaeffers. Nearby a Petone player slipped over and that was enough for the previously inconspicuous referee to blow loudly on his whistle and award a penalty that confused even the most staunch Petone supporters.

Petone has always had a reputation for good sportsmanship however and so it proved when Whitmarsh stepped up to take the spurious penalty and rolled it gently in to Imraaaay's hands to keep the scores level at 0-0.

"It's not often you thank a referee for a penalty but that one really kicked us into life" lied Wests Supercoach Matty Calcott after the game. What it really did was kick his team out of boredom. If they ever actually kick into life it will be a mad cap stacks on the mill goalfest but for the rest of this one they just did enough to get by.

Roddy Brown's goal came from another odd refereeing decision � a free kick awarded mysteriously to Wests on the edge of the box. Brown getting just enough of his ginger locks to it to dribble it into the corner of Big Jim's net.

You would have though that after a goal went in Petone might roll over but they certainly didn't and kept Wests honest for the rest of the match. They moved the ball well through their midfield and McLay, Pickering, Dawson and even big Whitmarsh looked dangerous but they really couldn't find an outlet and Schaffers and Harrahap were too good at the back to let them get away any meaningful shots.

Their lifeline should have come from two clear penalties that the ref waved away. One of them was so blatant even the Wests players were appealing for it but still he signalled play on before doing the only sporting thing he could do and faking an injury.

It's not often you see the refereeing team make a substitution but with about fifteen minutes gone in the second spell the ref pulled up with a mysterious calf-twang.


All eyes went to the touchline where the stand in referee was another fresh faced boy of 12. He actually had poo dribbling down one leg when buxom 4th official and FIFA referee Carmen (Electra?) stripped off (her jacket) and took the whistle to let him off the hook.

It provided a moment of comedy in an otherwise very serious affair.

Petone will be ruing the missed penalty and the two that weren't awarded while Suburbs coach Calcott will be pleased to return to winning ways in whatever fashion. He'll be particularly pleased with the efforts of his back four.

In the post game he noted that his almost entirely new team will take time to gel but it's time they don't really have. More changes are in the wind too with yodelling Dan Ellensohn reportedly off to trial at Austrian cellar dwellers Amstetten FC.

Wests next travel to Stop Out in two weeks' time. Anything less than double figures could put Calcott's job at risk!

And that's it from a mysteriously timely Park Life. Join us later in the week for an exciting Chatham Cup preview where we pick 100% of the winners � just like always.

Until then.

Park Life

 

Quality.

 

 

If i had to run 100 metres I'd want to axe someone too.

 

You have to be F'in kidding...I cannot stop laughing....oh my god the are so funny...they are crap....wouldn't last 5 min in the CL

 

But i'm so close to being in the lead of the golden boot race

 

from memory they dominated your team a couple of weeks ago.

they've bet petone already this season.

and gave wests a run for their money in chatham cup last year.

 

and i would safely say they would last more than 5 minutes past stop out.

 

so get back to improving your after match speeches mate.

 

When did they beat petone this year? Was that a special Central league match that nobody knew about or something?

 

That was Mar's 2nd team wasn't it?

 

Tawa would destroy Stop Out, and I'd back them to beat Palmy North and the Naki

Seen Stop Out play once (which was enough). Haven't seen Palmy play yet so am going on what others have told me.

 

I'm blatently saying this because I want the central league abolished.

Would feel sorry for Napier though.

 

 

Explain...

 

Park Life is the Fever�s regularly irregular frequently fictitious foolishly flippant opinion piece on the local football scene in Wellington and around the country. This week it�s big game Chatham Cup week, but who cares?

It�s not got NZFC teams in it. It�s not even well publicised. On the Capital Football website it�s found ridiculously under �Chatham Cup � Womens Cup� whatever the hell that might mean.

So does anyone care about the Chatham Cup any more?

Well, we do.

This is probably the most interesting weekend of football so far this winter. Sure we�ve had the amusement of Wests buying an entire national team to barely scrape past Petone. We�ve had the entertainment of Jeremy Brockie destroying first Olympic and then Stop Out as he cavorts his way through the Big Travel League.

But none of it, and we mean none of it, compares to this weekend�s Big Cup match ups that pit the likes of University � a rag tag bunch of bookworms, binge drinkers and homeless who ply their trade in Capital 1 where they currently sit just north of the relegation zone � and Lower Hutt � a rag tag bunch of bogans, binge drinkers and homeless who ply their trade in the Big Travel League. They�re 5th at the moment, as regular Park Life readers will no doubt know.

Such fabulous mismatches � which would be even better if Lower Hutt were away but we�ll take what we�re given � are the icing on the Big Cup cake.

They give the promise of a sugary thrashing to what is a fascinating weekend of football anyway.

Our now legendary lethargy ensures that we can�t bring you previews of all the games. But here are a few we�d recommend getting out to see if you can.

Petone Host United at Memorial

Petone are on a roll. Not a roll of wins but a roll of respectability. Like a retired lady of the night they are still a bit rough around the edges and nobody is quite sure if they�re for real or not but we�ve seen them and they are the goods.

United are on a slide. Not a hydroslide but a results slide. Like an active lady of the night they are looking a bit tired and bedraggled. They keep turning the same trick and are desperately in need of something to change their fortunes.

Park Life has long predicted � much to the frustration of United�s five stalwarts � that United are lower-middle-table bound in the Central League. The Big Cup gives them a chance � like our lady of the night � to put their stall out once every few weeks and prove that they can deliver.

If you�ve watched both teams recently you�d pick Petone by a couple but we don�t think it will be so easy. This one will go right to the wire.

Watch for Jim Bannatyne to come forward for late corners!

Marist Take On Wellington College at Kilbirnie Park

Charlie�s baby faced assassins have already overcome lower league Seatoun in the preliminary rounds of the Big Cup and now they get a shot at some Champs Premier opposition.

Marist, who sport a pretty but uninformative website and a very green but quite unpopular Bebo page, sit in the lower half of Champs Premier.

The College�s most recent result was a 300-nil spanking of Scot�s College in the lamentably poor College Sport league while Marist come fresh from a 1-1 draw with their neighbours in the Champs Premier cellar � Lower Hutt Reserves.

Beatable, you�d think, if the kids have a good day but it would be an embarrassing one for Marist to lose and they�ll be keen to avoid that.

If you can picture a bunch of small boys running quickly around a bunch of old fellas who can play and periodically feel the need to bobsled some whipper snapper just to prove they can on a frigid day and rough surface with disappointing refereeing and a one goal win then you probably needn�t bother turning up at this one.

Miramar Welcome Wairarapa to Centennial Again

Drive on past Kilbirnie Park, stop for a coffee at Eva Dixon�s, and then head up to Centennial to watch Wairarapa United � sponsored this season by Mary Anne Thompson � take on the Mar.

Those on the fringe of the Mar�s first team have hinted that some new signings are in the wind at the Mar but they�re unlikely to feature this weekend.

This game is interesting because of the absolute spanking handed out by Wairarapa to the Mar�s reserves the last time they visited Centennial.

Coach Keinzley has been heard saying during the week that his team bottles it under home pressure. "Perhaps we struggle with the expectation at home" he ho-hummed, clearly meaning 'home' in a very broad sense that includes the place you stay in for a bit when someone shoves a bag of cash under your nose and asks you to play football.

There'll be little in the way of expectations on them this weekend however, and in keeping with those they will lose comfortably.

Runcorn Wanderers Visit WLG Athens

If a trip to Miramar doesn't ring your bell a trip to Newtown Park might. There you'll be able to watch the kings of erratic, Olympic, take on the kings of Capital 1, Naenae.

Park Life suspects a somewhat cheeky Naenae would have fancied their chances of sneaking this one prior to the appearance of 'Best and Fairest' De Gregorio in Olympic colours last weekend.

Having started the season with more midfield options than they knew what to do with Olympic's selection has settled down in recent weeks. Tuskan Raiders finest, Sacha Nathu, will likely be in goal and Bobsled Barry will be wreaking all sorts of havoc just in front of him, a midfield of Best and Fairest, Si George and 'The wrong Easthope brother' will feed balls in for their galloping Greek wingers, Halikias and Haidakis, who will swing them in for Super Micky.

Park Life had to search high and low for anyone who knew anything about Naenae. Actually as it turned out plenty of people knew plenty about them, they just didn't want to admit it.

In the end it took several visits to Naenae (and three sets of stolen wheels) to find out that the Naenae side who are sweeping all before them in Capital One this season are a hotch potch of Scousers and Sudanese.

A defensive line built around kids who have come through the club have been under-rated this season (by who exactly? � Ed) because of the focus on the team's attacking prowess.


Box to box Scouse midfielder Paul Wheeler is in his second season with the club, and rumours persist that the Phoenix have 'had a look' (could that be 'had a laugh?' � Ed) at the lad who makes up the heart of the side.

In front of him striker Hendo is scoring goals for fun with 17 in 7 matches.

Keep an eye out for Sudanese midfielder Alex getting up and down the pitch as well .

This match will be a big test of whether these lads have the next level up in them but they can't win the game alone...

Park Life reckons this one will be closer than you think. Certain of us are even putting our bollocks on the line and picking a Naenae win but the level-headed majority think that Olympic will win by a few to prove that Capital 1 is a long way behind the Central League.

It's going to be an exciting weekend of Big Cup madness.

So get out there and get watching.

Park Life

 

Negotiations continue.