Parky's back... back again

Not since the Fever Yoof turned 14 have balls dropped en masse as greatly as Parkie and her contributors have this week.  Not only have we missed our printing deadline but we�ve got more Champs Premier League covered than Big Cup.  Maybe we�re all in long weekend mode already?

We really should mention some folks caught in the crossfire of our incompetence, in particular our good friends at the Phoenix.  Get your renewals for season tickets in now or sign-up as a new member next week.  After all Parkie loves nothing more than hearing about lots of members� at our favourite ANZAC football club.

Anyway, in to our cut down, cut off, cocked-up Bumper Birthday weekend preview. 

EDITORIAL � We�re Sorry.

Not sorry for exceeding our usual mediocrity but sorry we have been unable to bring you Park Life in print this week.

We�d like to thank our sponsors (including the very community-spirited and generous Wellington Phoenix.  We�d also like the thank the CD Store on Lambton Quay for giving one of us a tremendous case of food poisoning on Wednesday.  Don�t eat there.  Ever.

Sadly, being laid up in bed with a sphincter like a loose o-ring has meant that we are unable to bring you coverage of some of this weekend�s exciting Big Cup and Big Travel League fixtures.  Not to mention the coverage you�ve come to love of some of the more sh*thouse matches (in particular we�d love to have covered Wharfies vs Tawa).

Still, it�s not the first time Park Life has been far too short and come too late.  And it�s hardly likely to be the last.

In big news this week we�d like to congratulate Evald Subasic (pictured in link) on his bid to take an ownership interest in Portsmouth FC.  Well done Evald.

Have a great Birthday Double Match Day Weekend.

.Parky

The Sinking Ship vs Humpty Dumpty (Central League)

In the first of two games for both sides this weekend Wellington Titanic United welcome their cross town and long time rivals Miramar Power Rangers (the pink one) on Saturday at Newtown Park. This one is always a high spirited sporting affair which has unfortunately for one club become extremely one sided over the last ten years. United continue to dwindle at the bottom of the league while Rangers are perilously perched at the top. Wests vs Olympic was canned last week due to conditions so the lucky Mar balance atop the wall seemingly just waiting to fall. Miramar absolutely smashed Petone in the second half of last week and deserved a win. Wellington United were apparently in the same position against Taranaki, but Park Life doubts this.

Park Life has a feeling there will be some comical defensive displays in this game. Neither team has kept a clean sheet in the league this year and they wont keep one this week either. Hisham Kamri is scoring a bunch for United while Dom Rowe is poking in even more for the Mar. Miramar�s team has chopped and changed a bit under new coach Dolphy Cameron. Rosco Durant is likely to continue pretty unchanged and with a bit of luck, he might repeat the major upset in 2004 when United spoiled Miramar�s unbeaten season at Newtown Park. By the way that was the last time they beat them. 

Were Picking: Nothing special, Mar 3-1. Big Games for both teams on the Monday in Big Cup so all six subs will be used and spectators will be pretty bored.

Farrington Field's (2nd) finest take on the Hutt's Hopeful heartbreakers (Champs Premier League).

Park Life is struggling to control their glee this week with the news that Centennial Park is now David Farrington Park.  We've lead the call by naming it Farrington field all year and we're going to keep doing that in tribute to the great man.

This week Farrington Field sees the first visit in a looooooong time (well two seasons) by the boys from the scenic suburb.  The Miramarfia ressies welcome them on the back of a good win, putting two past comedy keeper David Plowright with goals to 'wharfies at heart - and liver' Matt Keene and Centre back David Slapstick.

Meanwhile Naenae for the second time in 7 days fell by one goal against Besim's Boys from the Raceway with Sudanese sensation Alex Young picking up a goal.

With a midfield of opposites the mafia will have Teeny Tony Wall and the elder statesman Dave Batty pulling the strings.  Although opposites in age and size, we still think that Mr. Batty is one of the finest footballers in the Wellington region.  They will be ably assisted by the capital's worst typist in Brooke Toer, 'Comedy' David Capstick and possibly Chatham Cup winner and club favourite Michele Zanotto.  Up front will be the man voted 'most likely to be found unconscious in Electric Ave' Matthew Keene who can score while shockingly drunk - as he does most weekends 

Naenae will meanwhile be looking to find that one goal to turn a result around and have in the back of their minds that they have to play again on Monday while the Mafia have a day off.  The 'nae have been unlucky in defeat for a few weeks now and need to just find that last touch.  With rumours that utility player (we suspect coach Joe Carlin is still trying to find where he can do the least damage) Matt Henderson may be tried in goal this week to complete the full set of positions played this season, Henderson will be looking for defensive partners and agiging musicioans Jason Cudby and Sammy Stephens to keep things tight enough to let the Hall brothers rampage around up front. 

If Naenae can cut the errors they can win this, but if they keep making the one or two errors a game they are averaging and with a player of Mr. Batty's undoubted class to make them pay we suspect it may end badly.

We're picking:  Two errors, two goals, two one to the 'Mar with 'Party all the time' Keeno on the scoresheet.

Lower Hutt vs. Te Rauparaha's Own KCU (Champs Premier)

Bugger the platitude-haters, it's a good old-fashioned 6-pointer as Lower Hutt welcome KCU to Bell this Saturday. Lower Hutt are positively fizzing after grabbing their first 3 points of the season against the Wests� Reserves last weekend, which is in stark contrast to KCU being on the end of a 8-1 beat-down from Tawa. Hutt insiders Parklife interrogated were unanimous that their team performed poorly against Wests Reserves despite the win, and will be concentrating on a more consistent performance against the Coasters.

All eyes will be on the rivalry between the Easthope Brothers with Scott "No Inside Voice" Easthope wearing the armband at centre-half for the Hutt, and older brother Shaun running the touchline as Paramount Chief at KCU.

Although KCU are numerically superior on the table, they've been woeful this season. Lower Hutt couldn't have asked for a better opportunity to continue their tabular ascent, and that is exactly what should happen.

We're picking: Lower Hutt's momentum to carry them to a 2-0 win.

Fozzie�s Muppets vs Keinzley�s Klowns (Central League)

Never have two teams offered Park Life such a sitter of a headline as this Big Travel League clash.  Who were we to resist.

Phil Keinzley�s self-destructing Wairarapa United have been doing their very best impression of Wellington United lately, chasing the Oranje to the bottom of the table faster than you can say �my my, wasn�t that money well spent�.

The Big Travel League�s answer to Leeds United (when reading link, start from 1998) have out-Olympic�d Olympic this season by spending up large and imploding with magnificent ironic effect.

One insider who spoke to Park Life told us that Coach Keinzley�s �investment� for this year�s Central League would push $100,000.  That�s enough to pay two thirds of a Capital Football CEO! 

And perhaps they�d have more luck on the pitch if that�s how they�d spent their cash.  Instead they invested in Sasha Nathu (who has now left and can be found playing up front for Tuscan Raiders for free), the talented but disinterested Adam Cowan and a whole host of cold-averse Islanders who were brilliant in the summer pre-season but who now seem to not really fancy it much any more thanks very much.

Fozzie�s Muppets on the other hand are paid precisely nothing.  Zip.  Zero.  Zilch.  All of them.  Even now-departed All Whites Andrew Barron and James Bannatyne.

Mark Foster�s men continue to out-perform their big-spending or bigger-named opposition and sit an impressive third in the Big Travel League.  Keinzley�s Klowns are second to bottom in ninth. 

Most notable this season is Petone�s defence.  Currently second-tightest in the league despite containing not a single �big name�.  This weekend that defensive line will be put to the test against Phil�s Phijian Strike Phorce.  While the rest of his team might be minging, Seule Soromon has still notched 6 goals in this campaign.  Not bad 

Petone�s top goal scorer is currently on his way to the Confed�s Cup.  And we aren�t talking about Cruyffing Jimbo.  McLay and Whitmarsh (who has copies of the 1982 All Whites DVD for sale if anyone wants one) will need to step up.

We�re predicting: If Petone can keep a lid on Soromon though they should expect to claim a result here and keep pressure on the top two in Big Travel League.  Fozzie�s Muppets 2-1.

Tonners vs. Roundballs (Capital 11).

Anticipation was in the air as the game got a second mention on the radio

Well, the geeza reading out the cancellations and transfers stuttered. 

So a move from the sun-trapped cosy Wilton to Antarctic Onepoto,

A park exposed to more freezing cold wind than a polar bear�s anus.

Two first half wind assisted goals gave Olympic the win

As the Tonners stuttered worse than the geeza reading the out the cccancellations!

Next up see the Lower Hutt Roundballs aiming for a repeat mystery win

But the Tonners have some heavyweights returning to the squad

And despite their opponents name, they have the bigger minerals to take the micky.

Which leads this seamlessly to the 20th anniversary of St Michael Day

Where the dominance of 70�s & 80�s Liverpool started to crack

To raise what will be 20 years old red noses without watching a league win

Words can�t express that dramatic bizarre day 20 years ago

So this history lesson�s up for grabs now instead.

We�re Picking: The Tonners to bounce back with a sneaky 1 goal win.

Miramar Rangers vs Western Suburbs (Big Cup)

If you look nationwide you�ll struggle to find a game as big as this at this point in the cup. Maybe if you look down to the far south at the other region to be stitched up by the poor Chatham Cup draw rules. But instead of moaning about how these two previous winners of the last 5 years who play in the same league are facing one another at round 2, we�re embracing it.

As news rolls in that the renaming of Centennial Park as David Farrington Park has been confirmed by the council, the Cup game will be the second match to be played on the new ground. Rangers would consider it a tragedy to lose this game for many obvious reasons. Wests will show up in their Beemers, sporting Jacobs watches and Gucci shoes (not because they are rappers but because Dave Wilson is leading them to believe he is personally adopting all of them). Miramar in stark contrast will show up in their Ladas, Casio digitals and Roman Sandals. The battle of the classes will pit the working class against the rich, not to mention the best two teams in the central league.

By now the dangerous players are well known, the weaknesses well understood, in all honestly the teams are just about even. Whoever kicks the most lumps, runs the hardest and at the same time plays their own game will take this one away. One club will be severely disappointed that they are out of the cup this early, but the team that wins this match will go very close to winning the whole thing.

Were Picking: A way better game than the Champions League final. Rangers 2-1.

The other Oranje vs Joe Carlin's Seddon Street Scousers (Champs Premier League).

After the indignation of letting the Fever's favourite washing machine � Sam Buckle -get on the scoreboard last week, Upper Hutt will be looking to new American import Patrick Carver to make the difference as they face Naenae at fortress Harcourt Park.

With a stack of old boys returning home (some in better condition than others) Upper Hutt have had an up and down season and are hoping the dollars invested in an import pay off as well as they did last year, but it will still need the likes of Andy le Prou, Wayne Rooker and Shambles Higgins to do the work that will allow Carver to shine.

Naenae meanwhile will be backing up after a hard match at Farrington Field and may have to resort to the Cap 9 Hypocrites for some experienced heads if they have any injury concerns.  Look for a possible appearance from Rob Mellon or Richard Lilyston if the side doesn't come through Saturday unscathed.

A lot will depend on how the two sides pull up after Saturday and home advantage is a big thing sometimes, but�

We�re picking:  A sneaky scouse goal from Jamie Henders to grab a barely deserved 1-0 win in pretty wintery conditions.

Wilson United vs The Naki (Central League)

The Naki have surprised everyone in Big Travel League this year by not being rubbish.  While they have been helped by the relative rubbishness of Wellington United and the Pope�s Own Marist (Palmerston North Chapter) it is still a credit to new coach Ian McGrath that they sit what could almost be described as mid-table in Big Travel League at this stage of the season.

They also have quite a snappy website.

Wilson United might be the uncontested Real Madrid of the League but it remains to be seen whether they�re also it�s Barcelona.  Coach Calcott, who this week made Wellington Football history by getting a public apology out of prize w*nker Guy Smith, has done enough with his squad to sit second in the Big Travel League with a game in hand but at a club with stratospheric ambitions, the best pitch and facilities in the Wellington region (sorry, but Park Island beats all), and the deep pockets of mysterious businessman Dave Wilson behind the scenes a win will be an absolute must here.

We�re picking: A Western Suburbs master class on an immaculate pitch at Endeavour Park.  Goals to Charlize Theron (2), Ben Feld (2) and Pelter (1).  Mike Smith to earn his customary yellow card.  Wests 5-1.

Unplayable Bubbles Travel to Keeperless Rovers

As the winter rushes into Wellington and the referees follow the every word of some persuasive coaches the Bubbles were boiling last weekend at the decision of the young referee to call their Sunday game off (at Newtown Park of all places, and yes against Wests of all teams).

They will be hoping that the same does not happen again this week as they travel to the equally wonderful surface (actually, much much better � Ed) Park Island.

Napier, on the other hand, had to spend the week in search of a replacement keeper after a shock injury against Lower Hutt ruled their glove man out for the rest of the season. This will make for a tough week for Napier as the Bubbles have scored 14 goals in their last four outings and have only conceded three.

Napier will look to take a leaf out off Jan Molennar�s books as they set up their defense at park Island this week.

Napier has the travel on their side with the Bubbles having to leave at 6am in order to make it to the game.  Rumours that the team bus will be doing pickups from Establishment and Mighty Mighty have been denied by club officials. One thing is for sure though, they�ll be putting the pedal to the metal on the way home to make sure they make it to the weekend�s big event. 

Olympic will be looking for a quiet game from the referee (ha ha �Ed) as they have four players on four yellows as well as Adam Church�s pending suspension (he has had 6 yellows without a suspension).

Look for George �The Right� Barbarouses to get another goal as well as Barry Lewis and Nic van Hattum to have another solid clean sheet. 

We�re picking: the biggest issue for the Bubbles this week will be whether or not the game is called off, that and getting all 16 players home via every pub stop on the way back.

Parkie�s Crystal Ball:

30 May Big Travel League 

Palm Nth Marist        1        Lower Hutt City      2

Petone                    2      Wairarapa United      1

Wellington United     1           Miramar Rangers   4

Western Suburbs   5        Taranaki                 0

Napier City Rovers    0        Olympic                 4

Birthday Big Cup Monday:
Waterside-Karori       1        Tawa                     3

Miramar Rangers                1        Western Suburbs      1 AET(one team to win 11-10 on pens)

Olympic                           3        Petone                    1

Wellington United      1        Stop Out                3

So, that�s it for this week�s no-print no-content Parky.  If you don�t like it.  Tough.  Who do you think you are anyway?

To be honest we aspired to half-arsed and never made it, maybe quarter arsed?

Incidentally, if you know anyone who might fancy taking an advertisement in printed Parky for a few weeks (or months) put them on to us.  We LOVE doing it and the reactions it�s getting but we�ve got a few bills coming in the door now and the budget needs balancing so printed Parkie might be on financial life support if we can�t get a few more $$.  Send us an email to parklife@yellowfever.co.nz <!-- .write( '<span style='display: none;'>' ); //-->This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it < ="" ="text/"> <!-- .write( '</' ); .write( 'span>' ); //-->if you fancy getting your brand around the clubrooms each week.

Good luck to everyone this week and hopefully the weather doesn�t do an impression of last Saturday, but if it does, rug up warm!!

 .Park Life

Missing some funnies

Editorial : Half a Pitch Is Not Better Than No Pitch!

Wellington City Council.  You are all dicks.

It has to be said.  Wellington is in desperate need of more football playing surfaces.  Hello.  This is football.  You know, the sport EVERYONE plays and you horribly under-resource.  Preferring to give equal time and consideration to ridiculous wastes of space and time like petanque, Frisbee, cricket, and other non-sports.

WCC tried to make us feel like they cared by putting in a synthetic pitch.  At Nairnville Park.  They trumpeted it and Capital Football duly put c*ck in mouth and pretended it was the best thing since sliced bread.  Arse biscuits it was.  It�s a half a pitch in the middle of a snobby white neighbourhood.  Vote grabbing.  Fact.  And then they go an allocate a massive share of the time on it to social rugby.  More vote grabbing.  W*nkers. 

And they couldn�t even find the stones to put a f*cking fence up to stop the balls rolling down the hill.  Why?  Because the neighbours over the road said it would spoil their view.  Well neighbours, you�re all a pack of c*nts.  View of what?  Ngaio?  Give me a break.

Then they went and took their watery promise to build one full sized plastic pitch a year and watered it down even further until it looked like Karori Park after rain.  Now they might build some pitches sometime and if they do they will be a shared facility for the use of every bastard and football won�t get the time we deserve.

And before I calm down.  Hutt City Council, you lot are pricks too!  Where are your plastic pitches?  Why do you persist with those useless pillocks Excell who do nothing to repair or maintain the playing surfaces and instead sit on their fat donut eating bums and smoke B&H Extras and drink Double Brown all funded by your rate payers.

Grrrrrr.

But there is a shining ray of hope.  We should all move to Whitby.  Sure we�d all have to become IT consultants, live in wanky new-build houses, drive flash-looking but ultimately feckless BMWs and think we were f*cking awesome despite that fact that we live in the outer reaches of nowhere so that we can afford to pretend we�re rich, but we would at least live in the bounds of Porirua City Council.  A place where there ARE enough pitches and they ARE well maintained.

Oh, we�d also have to commute to play, because nobody likes Wests.

Anyway, big ups to Porirua City Council.  You guys rock.  The rest of you.  Do us a favour and die.

.Park Life

Ambitious Mar Meet Amphibious Wharf (Champs Capital Premier)

Mar play Wharf for the second time this season in what looks set to be a Crump-Off at Farrington Field.

Two goals against the Nae proved Rupert Crump is no slouch in front of goal. Meanwhile, Wharfies 8ft stiker Adam Crump has been filling more onion bags than a migrant worker in the Hawkes Bay.

Wharfies defence has been tighter than a camel�s arse in a sand storm recently, due in no small part to the form of Jono �two-touch-tackle� Sole and Mike �The Spaniard� McKinlay.

A win for the Mar would establish them as title contenders, but trying to stop a rampant Wharfies with eight wins on the trott will be like trying to stop Hard News from ordering dessert. Mar will however be able to call on their first teamers. Karori are sporting some injuries � and will be loathe to risk players (except Potter) ahead of their Big Cup game next week.

We�re picking: Karori to have the right Crump and win 2-1.

Nuns Look to Spoil the Party (Wimmins� Premier)

Nuns-Own Marist host Seatoun in the Women�s game of the week. Marist have been tighter than a Nuns gown this year in conceding a ridiculous one goal all season. �We used to be good� Seatoun will give them a good run for their money in their centenary year. Rest assured they will be partying like its 1909 if they win this one.

Alice �No relation to Ollie� Olsen will be looking to find the back of the net for Seatoun, as will Marist goal machine Alice Ireton.

We�re picking Nuns-Own Marist to get on the end of some quality crosses with some good runs to win it 2-1.

Taranaki Turkeys vs Top-o-the-League Mafia (Central League)

Miramar Rangers hit the road this Sabbath as they bumble their way up to New Plymouth to take on the Team of Tarakihis at Pukekura Park. Taniwha Taranaki are inconsiderate enough to make teams travel all the way to their home ground on a Sunday while they should be at church. The Lord is punishing them for this however as they dwindle at a measly 7th in the league. This will be the second time these teams meet as the second round robin starts this weekend, the result is likely to be similar to the first round with Rangers nicking a win.

Fresh off a satisfying dispatch of Western Suburbs in Big Cup last Monday, Rangers will at least be looking forward to an entertaining bus ride with Pete 'Colonel' Halstead continuing his goal celebrations from last game in nudey rudey style. He hit good form right on cue with a brace against Wests just as for once Dom Rowe was misfiring.

Taranaki continue their tough run after they travelled all the way to Wests last weekend to get dumped one nil. Lets hope they make the most of their bus trips down to the Capital as they make that journey six times in the Central League, nakedness a must. The last time Taranaki won a game was at home to Popes Own, They�ll have a much tougher task this week but there is always a chance you can catch a team that�s just had a five hour naked bus ride napping.

We�re Picking: Colonel to leave his clothes on until after Bulls. Then a tiresome first half performance from the Mar will land them in a spot of bother. But the Turkeys will fold and cough up a one nil lead to lose 3-1.

Parkie goes political: Commander Frank Bainimarama�s United vs. Captain Edward Smith�s United (Central League)

Never have two central teams looked so minging.  While United (of the oranje variety) has remained consistently pants (Ed � and that is being kind) in the first nine round of the Big Travel League, with just 4 draws, Wairarapa have fallen quicker than a democratically elected government in the South Pacific.  The big spenders have literally thrown money away in a desperate attempt to purchase Big Travel League success, but have only seen one point since their first round win over the Oranje.

Richard Gillespie comes straight into the starting eleven for Fiji after completing a big money transfer from an unnamed Hawkes Bay rugby club.  Gillespie replaces the hole vacated by Sacha Nathu�s temper tantrum, and rumours continue to be suppressed in the local media that Adam Cowan may not return after severing his one match bobsled ban.  The Oranje, however, have added two more international players to their squad in recent weeks and will be buoyed by their Big Cup win over Stop Out.

Nonetheless, Park Life is jumping on the band wagon and dubbing this �a classic six pointer� as both teams fight for survival. Loser leaves town (assuming they are granted the visa). Will Wellington overthrow Wairarapa into 9th place, or will the Titanic sinks off the coast of Fiji?

We�re picking: Rapa to receive a bigger beating than foreign journalist in Fiji. 3 -1.

Brendon�s Battlers vs Fozzie�s Muppets (Central League)

Fozzie�s Muppets travel to cross town rivals Lower Hutt City for the biggest local derby in the Central League this weekend with Fozzie�s Muppets looking a bit the worse for wear after a bone-shaking encounter with Olympic in Big Cup.

Mike Pickering drops out with hamstring twang, Rowan McCullough has nose ouch that was handed to him by Adam Church�s elbow and Chris Sambrooke is out with ankle knack so it will be a mix and match eleven that take the park against McIntyre�s green and yellows.  Look for Benn Dawson to play a pivotal role and Jonathan Winkworth to provide the midfield steel.

Lower Hutt will be hoping that spending 90 minutes chasing shadows on Wednesday hasn�t taken the wind out of their sails.  Luis Corrales will be a menace up front and Pedro Garcias will rule the midfield but the two big questions are will their makeshift backline be able to prevent goals and will Phil Patterson play?

We�re picking: it won�t be much of a spectacle, but it�s the only game on Saturday so you might as well.  Petone to sneak home 3-1.  Sam Blackburn to score the one, and/or do seventeen thousand step overs.

Western Suburbs Under-12s vs Naenae�s slippery slope (Champs Premier League)

This Sunday �the best pitch in Wellington� see�s the return of Champs Premier League action for this lower table clash.  With the boys from Lower Hutt surrendering so abjectly last week against Kapiti all clashes in the bottom half of the table take on new meaning as sides struggle to gain points before the traditional reserve team loading takes place late in the season.

Both teams played double headers last weekend with Wests coming away with the only point.  Naenae did however put up a highly credible performance against Miramafia B by all accounts in a 5-4 thriller.

So this week we see a couple of teams desperate for points.  Dom Rogerson will have the kiddies psyched for the game and no doubt hyped up on sugary drinks and fairy bread from the pre-game meet, while senior citizen and big Everton fan �Scouse Joe� Carlin will be somewhat more circumspect having been biffed from the sideline in last Monday�s game against Upper Hutt following what can only be called an epic tantrum following Matt �Utility� Henderson being dragged down by the opening goal scorer on his way to scoring.

With Jake Gleeson and John Harahap for size and experience the kiddies will be off their Ritalin and will play all action football but might struggle to keep big scoring Jamie Henders under wraps after his confidence building spree at Farrington Field.

We�re picking :  A sneaky win to Naenae 2-1 with a sneaky goal from sneaky having snuck sneakily past the Wests defence.

Wilson United vs Napier City Rollovers (Central League)

This game will showcase the good and the not so good of Big Travel League football.  Allow us to summarise in very simple sentences.

Napier routinely puts on the best pitch in the league: good surface.  However Napier also has a reputation lately for putting out the worst referees in the league: bad kid refs.  Wilson United: mediocre club, good players, good football.  Napier City Rovers: good club, bad players, mediocre football.

So as you can see, a real ding dong battle of good versus evil.

For Wests, expect a similar line up to take the park as played against the Naki in a narrow 1-0 win.  Coach Calcott won�t have been happy with the slimness of that scoreline and will be calling on his charges to put more chances away this week.  About 65 minutes he�ll wheel on Rupert Ryan.  Still, frighteningly, one of the most dangerous players in the league.  Big Rupes will score one.

For Napier, JT will attempt to break someone else�s ribs after managing only bruising against George Barbarouses.  He�ll be miffed to have heard that Georgie played again on Monday in Big Cup.  Look for him to pick on Ben Feld this week.  Stu Wilson will be a danger but will be kept under control by Jack Pelter who will at least feel a little like he�s back in a real league playing in front of an actual grandstand.

We�re picking: too easy for Wests despite the travel.  Suburbs 3-0.

On a big Sunday for top level football in the region the Catholic lads from the town that John Cleese once referred to by saying �If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick." Pop down to Newtown Park to take on an increasingly smug Olympic side.

Luckily for the hosts on Sunday, the boys from Palmerston North have been doing the football equivalent of Cleese�s suggestion most of this season although an easy three points over Wairarapa the other week do see them sitting a solid third from bottom in the Central league.

Meanwhile the lads from the ancient land have been a bit resurgent lately, slapping Petone out of the cup with ease last week as well as going to Napier for a gift three points.  Once again they will be relying on the goal scoring exploits of Adam Church, and Micky M as well as the trickery from the Greek wide boys like Mikey Halikias and Jimmy Haidakis but the one key to keeping things bubbling along is George Barbarouses and his part in the game will be doubtful after he got cleaned out in a disgraceful tackle by (cough) former All White, former professional and all around footballing great Jonathan Taylor.

Mind you we still reckon the Bubbles will have too much class despite a disappointing week for Jimmy as our spies tell us he was bitterly disappointed to visit Champs Sports this week and continue to be unable to find the Violet boots he needs to complete his entire colours of the rainbow collection.

Sort it out Mizuno !

We�re Picking : Park Life�s correspondent to miss the deadline and ignore our calls and the fill in to call it an easy 3-0 to the Greek lads.

Park Life�s Crystal Ball

It hasn�t escaped us that we�ve picked a stupid number of 3-1 results, a moronic number of away wins and the Top 4 to win again.  You wait though.  It will be as we say.  You can put your kids� College funds on it! 

Editorial: RIP Printed Parkie

Well, it was a giggle while it lasted.  Printed Parkie took her bow last week as financial constraints meant continuing to go out in print was impossible.

Not a bad way to go out though.  Our Editorial, on the inadequacy of Hutt and Wellington City Councils, was enough to draw complaint from at least one sitting councillor and a few of our more prudish readers.  Good.  We wanted to make a point, and it�s nice to know people are listening.

While Parky is signing off from print, she�ll continue strongly on t�internet.  Don�t forget you can subscribe to her weekly email version by emailing parklife@yellowfever.co.nz<!-- .write( '<span style='display: none;'>' ); //--> This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it < ="" ="text/"> <!-- .write( '</' ); .write( 'span>' ); //--> .  You�ll get Park Life delivered (most weeks, when our computer doesn�t melt down) to your inbox on a Friday morning, as well as special offers from our awesome sponsors (Phoenix, YHA, RYOS, 4Kings, Backbencher).

Enjoy this week�s slightly late offering.  We�d like to thank Hewlett Packard for making sh!thouse computers that have spoiled this week�s Park Life timing.  BOO!

C�mon Big Cup!

.Parky

Family sponsored Bubbles host Stewarts Powerbase Red Sox Manawatu (Big Cup)

This week�s Sunday Big Cup game sees the high flying Palmy team, Red Sox, following the low lying Palmy team (actually both sides are hovering rather than flying), The Popes Own Marist, down to Newtown. Both are likely to return home the same way, lonely and with nothing.

Red Sox are sitting pretty at the top of their Central Western Premiership. The Bubbles on the other hand are unbeaten in eleven games and sit fourth in Big Travel League.

The Bubbles struggled past Red Sox home town rivals, the Pope Own, last week with four first teamers missing through suspension (and one of them running around in Capital 16, allegedly). This saw the return of the veteran league, union, and softball star Jared Curtis to the club.  With over 200 games and 15 years for the club the uncontrollable, free running Curtis was back, and looked like he had never left.  Chaz  Lawrence picked up player of the day points along with another former legend�s son, Dan Minshull coming off the bench at the start of the second half and putting in a solid performance.

Coach George has a headache to deal with this week, having to decide if he is going to bring all four suspended players back in  He�ll be well aware that six games from now the Bubbles travel to the Naki, which will surely see Churchie serving his third suspension of the campaign.

We�re picking: another win for the Bubbles, as they march into the final 16 of the cup, Red Sox leaving nothing but a keeper with a bad back.  Bubbles 5 Red Sox 0

Bay look to Blitz Bottom of the league Butt at Bell (Champs Premier League)

It is now or never for Island Bay as they look to get their title dreams back on track against a Lower Hutt side going down quicker than an Air France passenger plane (new heights of tastelessness -Ed).

Both teams suffered ridiculous 7 goal margin losses last weekend. Tawa inflicted Island Bay United�s heaviest loss in more than a decade to record an 8-1 victory at Mine-field Park. Upper Butt got the Upper Hand over Lower Butt in a 7-0 drubbing at Harcourt Park that caused veteran club- and sport-hopper Matt Carnihan to exclaim �we were really minging�.

Island Bay United look set to welcome back striker Luciano Collucci into the fold after damaging knee ligaments against Wilson Suburbs. His predatory instinct will be vital for the Bay as they have lacked an out and out goal scorer during his absence. Rumours are strengthening that SuperMilne has jumped the fishing ship to help babysit the kids at Wilson Suburbs and Granville continues in goal whilst waiting for his application for Italian citizenship to be processed.

Lower Butt City�s first team has a bye due to Big Cup matches being played, so do not be surprised to see the likes of Senor Coralles or Ginger Ronaldo showcasing their talents in Champs Premier.

We�re picking: the Sharks to find their confidence in front of goal to record a modest 3-0 victory.

Magpies v Palmy North Bell End (Big Cup)

Karori take on an unknown quantity this weekend after drawing Palmerston North End in the Big Cup. PNE don�t have a website so researching this mediocre club who ply their trade in the Manawatu league is difficult. What Parky has uncovered is that their shirt sponsor is Bell Tea, thus they are known as Palmerston North Bell End. Familiar names in their squad include former Fiji B keeper Matthew Boran, and former Titanic purser David Boyack.

PNBE killed giants Napier City Rovers to reach the giddy heights of Round three of the Big Cup. Tea-bagging the high flying Wharf would be another great achievement from the boys from the North End of Palmerston (wherever that may be).

Karori will be going in without Jono �two touch tackle� Sole, but will be relatively full strength otherwise (apart from having half a dozen players half broken).

We�re picking: Mal �Kovich� Impiombato to end the curse he has bought to the team whenever playing this year, and bag a brace to secure a 3-0 win for Wharfies.

Palmy Popes own vs Wednesday's Wobbly Wilsons (Central League)

Fresh from the joy of chipping Nic van Hattum early in last week�s game the Pope�s Own Palmy Marist return home to face a Wilson Suburbs side cruising at the top of the Central league.  With a game in hand and a 2 point lead over the Miramafia the clan from Wellington�s best pitch will be expecting to wander home with an easy 3 points, and frankly we�d be surprised if they don�t.

Calcott�s clan will be at close to full strength with no major injuries from Wedenesday nights wander around against the Phoenix at Porirua Park.  They will find this weekend�s opposition more to their liking after being comprehensively outplayed � particularly by Fever Scholarship winner Marco Rojas � on Wednesday.

Look for Darren Cheriton to pull the strings while around him a plethora of younger legs keep running.  Ex-Sunderland player Jack Pelter will again underline just how much things have changed for him as he ticks off the Memorial Ground on his list of famous parks, while Cory Chettleburgh will be all action in the middle of the park.  You can also rely on Ben Feld to run quickly.

As for the Pope�s Own, they will be buoyed by the closeness of last week�s game against the Bubbles and would dearly love another couple of points to escape the clutches of �Hindenburg� United, but we can�t see it here.

We�re picking: Wests to stroll it 3-0.

Dirty Stop Outs vs Not remotely stoned Upper Hutt whine country (Champs Premier League)

Well, we at Parkie have had our wrists slapped well and truly lately on the subject of both these clubs.  Apparently we're ill-informed about Stop Out by the way we keep name checking assistant gaffer Yugoboss, rather than the quiet English bloke we don�t know who is in fact the boss.  Our response is to point out that a quiet Englishman (while a rarity) is no substitute for jokes about a high profile, and vocal individual of Balkan extraction.

Meanwhile in the far reaches of Upper Hutt, apparently jokes and stereotyping about the residents of the city have hit a raw nerve with a suggestion that jokes about a half time smoke (of either kind) or sitting on a swappa crate for a team bench are not appreciated by some.

Oh well, far be it for Parky to offend.

This week these two sides meet at the Raceway, with a number of lads who have trekked between the two clubs in recent years there is some suspicion there will be some feeling in this.  Stop Out must be concerned about the wheels falling off a little having gone from top of the league to 4th following a failure to get results against either Kapiti or the Wests cr�che, while Upper Hutt turn up on the back of a hard fought win over Naenae and a leisurely 7 goal stroll around Comedy Carney and the Lower Hutt Reserves.

The only mist in this game won�t be the smoke pouring out of the Upper Hutt changing rooms, it�ll be red instead.  And Yugoboss will be prowling the sidelines barking orders at his charges.  We reckon there will be at least one sending off in this one, and he could be it.

We�re Picking: Upper Hutt�s American import to nick one late to help Upper Hutt smoke them 2-1.  Burn outs and crate bottles all round.

God�s Blessed Tawa vs Power Rangers Reserves (Champs Capital Premier)

Crazy times at the Power Rangers this week with news emanating from their camp that they are going all out to win Champs Premier.  Rather than take their strongest team into their Big Cup game against Maycenvale United at David Farrington Park they have chosen to take just 13 players, two of them under injury clouds, so as to field their strongest possible team in Capital Premier against Blessed Tawa.

This is slightly wacky behaviour for a club that already has a team in the top division, so for whom winning Champs Premier brings with it not much at all except another excuse for Matt Keane to get heavily on the lash and Big-Cup-big-goal scorer Michelle Zanotto to proclaim his outstandingness (and how he should be starting for the first team).

And in any case it won�t help them much this week as they get beaten by Tawa at Redwood Park.  The usual suspects will be to the fore for Tawa.  Crazy Feet Fenton, Red Wine Withers (he gets better with age, geddit? �Ed), the Romijn family, and the Ramakers brothers.

We�re picking:  A late Pete Withers winner to give it to Tawa 3-2.

Park Life�s Crystal Ball

BIG CUP � CENTRAL REGION

Miramar Rangers              9              Maycenvale United           3
Waterslide-Karori             4              Palmerston North End       2
Wellington United                1              Taradale                              2
Olympic                                3              Red Sox Manawatu            1

CENTRAL LEAGUE

Palm Nth Marist                  0             Western Suburbs      3

PREMIER MEN

Tawa                                     3             Miramar Rangers      2
Lower Hutt City                  0             Island Bay United    3
Stop Out                               1             Upper Hutt City         2

And that�s it.  Boooyaaaaa.

.Park Life

Hi everyone,

It is with quite genuine regret that Yellow Fever announces the demise of Park Life.  Last weekend's brief edition will be her last as she goes the way of so many of her devoted readers, and gets sent off.

If only we could get smith off the radio too.  So you've ousted all your correspondence PL?