Just finished a practice ride from Home to Hunterville and back again for 304km yesterday. Apart form "Hitting the wall" at Levin on the way back, (getting disorientated, losing my balance when getting off/on the bike, road markings merging into kerbs and visa versa, feeling like vomitng), I'm ok. With a lot of stops all in all it took about 13 and a half hours in the saddle.
My Nemesis and the part I hate the most is The Foxton Straight or the "Foxton Taint", the Foxton Shite" or the "Foxton C**t" as I also like to call it. It reminds a me of the Bermuda Triangle due to it's own freaky weather conditions, except of course the Bermuda Triangle is more interesting as it's a Triangle not a big long friggin road.
The Foxtonites are pretty friendly, their women folk were pretty intrigued by the funky-smelling cyclist that turned up at one of their restaurants the first time I made the trip a couple of months ago. It must have been like the Native Americans seeing Columbus's ships for the first time, actually the smell must have been about the same as a sailor incarcerated on board a wooden ship for 6 months. The two diner style places are great and not some crappy fast food franchise - good for you Foxton.
Foxtonites though would it kill you to put something up along the way to try and ease the mind-numbing boredom that is the Straight? Statues, naked dancing chicks, pictures of European roads, something like that. If anyone wants to take up distance cycling/Randonneuring, I'll give you tips on surviving the Straight.
From immaculate conditions at Hunterville and good conditions at Bulls, (God they milk the whole Bulls thing don't they?), you hit Sanson and that Westerly that blows right through from the coast right in your ear that got me pulling my beanie down to stop getting Bell's Palsy.
Why Car worshipping New Zealand do you put up with such sh*tty roads?
Most of the time driving along it sounds like you are landing Concorde due to the contact of tire against Chipseal. The ipod/phone music needs to be cranked up to max-volume to hear anything. Riding along traffic on the SH is deafening and riding on it is like riding during an earthquake. Horrible with super-sensitive muscles and pain from long trips.
That Smug bastard from the Tony's Tire Service advert and the other dude who sings at christmas for the opposition must be laughing their heads off. It was always a mystery to me that you had so many tire adverts on the telly and so many tire-fitters until I went on the roads then it all made sense. F*ck farming as the no1 industry it's the Tire Service that makes all the money. You only have to cycle along to see the ripped up remains of tires along the SH to know that.
You could save money New Zealand by just spreading a bit of tarmac down then sprinkle it with all the remains of the broken glass on the roads and add some sharp volcanic rock and hey presto another kiwi road, no one would know the difference.
I truly admire any cyclist who rides in New Zealand and it's why you have such strong riders in international competitions for such a small country. Compared to other places I've seen and rode it's tough over here.
Oh and Gareth I'd leave the idea of cats wiping out the native bird population alone and go and cycle along SH1 to see the carnage that cars cause to your bird population it actually hurts your eyes after awhile.
Don't forget you can support me and the misery I'm putting myself through in aid of Movember here http://mobro.co/robtheedge
thanks for reading, Fort
