Things that make you go hmmmm

This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant in distress.

He investigates and finds a thorn in his foot.

He removes it and the elephant trots merrily away.

Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in Wellington watching a circus procession pass by.

When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk,

lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground, and jumps on him.

It was a different elephant

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog.

He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head.

Alarmed, a shop asistant calls out "Can I help, Sir ?"

"No thanks" says the blind bloke "Just Looking"

I think these are getting worse, yet somehow better!

We are watching "The Science of Summer and Winter" now on TVNZ7 - it is a good informative programme for primary school kids - but it's American.

WTF do Americans know about science?  it's only Brits that do science isn't it (and even then mostly David Attenborough)?

Thanks to the American commentator I now know that there is a baseball player called Albert Pujols, which he pronouced as "poo-holes".

This has caused great mirth after I asked Jnr Jnr "What was his name?" and then Jnr Jnr said that I am really bad.

"I bumped into an old acquaintance the other day

He told me he had taken a job as a postman

He said it was better than walking the streets"

A very very slow day on here !

http://www.cvent.com/events/the-fifth-international-albatross-and-petrel-conference/event-summary-7f2350508d8e48278a360a387b75af71.aspx

I wonder what they will have for lunch?

("Albatross, albatross. Stormy Petrel on a stick, gannet ripple")

WTF does D.W.O.R. mean in Stingray?

Dunno.

I went to a zoo the other day & all they had there was a small dog...it was a shitzoo.

Giving the Blues coaching job to a guy who has suffered from depression. Not really going to help is it. What were they thinking?

It'll give him some perspective on life once he leaves the job. If anything, it'll cure him of depression.

"I just inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrant and a Stradivarius."

"Unfortunately Rembrant made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter."

"I new a hypochondriac who wouldn`t visit the Dead Sea until he found out what it died of "

A walking race???  

Sorry - I will never understand the logic of this.

(Then again I think dressage and synchronised swimming are strange contests)

Dressage and Synchronised Swimming as well as Rythmic Gymnastics are all arts in my opinion, not Sports!

Olympic Walking is just plain silly!

Awkward: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news/article.cfm?c_id=2&objectid=10827074

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/soccer-football/news/article.cfm?c_id=86&objectid=10827324

However, Owen insisted the players were not solely to blame for football losing touch with its roots.

"If they act like normal people and get treated like normal people then that would be a start."

I wonder if he saw the irony in his words?

Farking Lol!!!!!

The Wallabies are actually missing Quade Cooper tonight...

http://nz.entertainment.yahoo.com/celebrity/news/article/-/14589742/duchess-of-cambridge-not-initially-impressed-by-prince/

'She certainly wasn't going to St. Andrews with the intention to snare him or anything like that. In fact she was more hung up on a guy called Harry, but things didn't work out.''

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10827916

But she doesn't believe dogs are at fault, and says the staffordshire bull terrier was normally well-behaved.

"It's not a case of blame. Dog attacks happen all the time.

"He was nice to kids, he was never growly, but he just snapped. It's how the dog is brought up, and how the dog is treated, it's not what type of dog it is."

I seem to have missed something here.  "Dog attacks happen all the time" - doesn't that mean that if you own a dog and have a young kid you are increasing the odds of an attack?

Anyone fancy a bit of nook-e?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2012/aug/20/barnes-noble-nook-launch-uk

The Green Party silence over the shooting of 44 black miners by South African police.

I'm no fan of John Minto, actually I protested against the 1981 Springbok Tour, but at least he's unbiased on this one.

Wrong thread! See http://www.yellowfever.co.nz/forums/topic/lonegunmans-lonely-lolathon?page=1#comment-774650

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/aug/26/lion-on-the-loose-in-essex  Scary! I just spent the weekend looking at youtube clips of lions attacking various animals and humans.

https://twitter.com/EssexLion LOL!

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=fae_1346023453

"The circus website includes video footage of lions performing as part of its show. Owner Martin Lacey announced last week he was cutting down on wild animals that were to be banned from circuses."

I think that maybe the lion was too big for the owner to flush down the toilet so he probably put it in a rubbish bag and dumped it over a bridge in the countryside.

All over - probably just a big fluffy cat.  And twitter has suspended EssexLion's account (boo hiss) 

How come I was home all night watching a VERY scratchy Indian live stream, & a burgler has come in & stolen 3/4's of a bottle of rum? 

I shall set my highly trained team of sniffer cats on their trail IMMEDIATELY!

http://nz.finance.yahoo.com/news/drink-less-more-billionaire-tells-152654355.html;_ylt=ApMg1zZVPE6PyB7cn94ksAIILJNG;_ylu=X3oDMTNxMmZndnM3BG1pdANUb3BTdG9yeSBIdWJQYWdlBHBrZwMxMGFiZTY3OC1lYzlmLTM2YTktYTdlOS1jNDFhMzRkOTJhMGQEcG9z

Aside from the inflammatory dig at the non-rich I do agree with the message:

Those who really suffer from anti-business and anti-investor policies are regular workers who "usually vote for the anti-business socialist parties," she writes. "If you want to help the poor and our next generation, make investment, reinvenstment and businesses welcome."

Not so sure about relaxing environmental rules (but I do think in NZ at least there is very little rational balancing between social, environmental and economic values).

I picked up a rental car earlier today. It's red. Within minutes of driving around in it I felt like a w*nky arrogant twunt.

Must make a note to tell the rental company "no red" in future.

Why does nzfooty's profile say Last Active: 43 years ago and History: Member for 7 days?

http://www.aljazeera.com/indepth/features/2012/09/2012915181925528211.html 

Hmmm...

I see your nut-jobbery and raise you one bigotry: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/sep/16/voters-support-anti-immigrant-party

First Closer and now Charlie Hebdo.

Does being French and a magazine mean being morally bereft?

http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp?MemberId=4957197631 Andy Carrolls Bebo page...giggle.

I know an old who had an eel in his bum

That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside him.

Heeeee, inserted the eel to catch the gerbil...

Clearly the 'man' is implied in the first line.

Coleridge no, but the thread is called things that make you go 'hmmmmm" and I think an eel in an old man's bum (chasing a gerbil) would make him go "hmmmmm", don't you?